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Why do I hurt myself when others hurt me? [View All]

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live love laugh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Feb-09-07 11:31 AM
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Why do I hurt myself when others hurt me?
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I have been off work for three days because I stood up to a boss who has been, in my opinion, verbally abusive and totally unsupportive. I called her for a meeting about one thing on Wednesday morning and that meeting turned into her dumping a lot of negative, subjective information about me on me. She says that I am vindictive and stubborn. She says I interrupt and am rude. I won't go into all of the details here but this is not true and, if anything, this woman has projection issues.

Two weeks ago, a delivery was late and I was told that she had been notified by a supervisor who reports to me and when she called to ask why I didn't notify anybody I explained that. She slammed the phone down hard and cold out of the blue. On another day, employees who didn't want to do an assignment went over my head to her and she runs into my office and tells me I am wrong, they should not have to do what I asked even though what I told them are the rules. She constantly overturns, criticizes and questions my decisions. She called to tell me one day that she was very very very disappointed because I didn't come in to work earlier to train with someone when I am already working days that begin at 8AM and end with me walking in the door as late as 10PM.

My performance has not been the best for a number of valid reasons and I acknowledged that to her. I said that I felt attacked and that while I don't mind constructive criticism, I can't do anything with information like her opinion that I am vindictive or stubborn.

I told her that she can't keep attacking me and dumping on me with this kind of information and I want her to get off my back. She said you go home and come back when I notify you. I have no idea what I might be "charged" with when I return to work, I don't have any other bad issues on my record and this rough patch with performance is due to a staffing shortage but I know that the charges will be trumped up if I am being kept off three days with pay.

I actually was happy to come home I am exhausted.

But on the way home I stopped and bought a pack of cigarettes--I quit successfully over a year ago. I called a lawyer and am considering selling my house and quitting even drawing down my retirement pay to get out of this bad situation but this is a move that would hurt me financially in the long run. I know that I did the best that I could under the circumstances. But in the meantime, I can't sleep--I woke up early and tired--I'm jumpy, I am overeating and not taking care of myself where at least I was doing that with my extremely long work hours. I am afraid but determined to stand up for myself and not to be abused. I grew up in an alcoholic household and have been to counseling and ACOA long ago to deal with those issues, but somehow I continue to be treated as if I am wearing a sign on my forehead that says kick me and I don't know why.

I could use some encouragement.
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