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Reply #42: Up all night. Building a wall - metaphorically. [View All]

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lildreamer316 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-30-11 11:07 AM
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42. Up all night. Building a wall - metaphorically.
Which I should not really be doing, I know.
A situation has reared its' head; one I have now pegged to be an unresolved issue-situation from over ten years ago. All the hallmarks are the same - I'm in the same timeframe in my longterm relationship; the energies are the same; there's a Gemini involved. This ended not necessarily badly,but very irritatingly last time; leaving me feeling like a fool. And generally the situation was left unresolved.

I suppose my challenge here is to remain open despite my almost instant fear of being hurt (once I realized what was going on); but I really really really really don't want to. I don't understand why I have to go through this again. In fact, I'm already hurt. I didn't realize what was going on until late last night/early this morning.

I've become such a very open channel empath lately, and this particular brand of Gemini and I always seem to really connect energy-wise.

Then they, in my Leonine opinion, seem to not take it seriously and flake. In truth, I understand they are just being true to their natures, but I fail to understand why I seem to have to take the brunt of it and feel/look like an utter fool.

I become excited about the connection because it is so very pure, and strong, and such a confirmation of everything I believe about the nature of energy and spirituality. Nothing untoward happened in either situation,btw. Seriously.

And then the fall...ha ha.

Look, I understand it is my job right now to hold the love open. But this is just too much for me. I do NOT understand why I have to always (not just in this situation) be the foolish 'sensitive' one, whom other people look at in pity ...'people are just like that' 'you're not realistic' 'you should expect that' and so on. I'm tired tired TIRED of fighting that perception. I've spent my life trying to prove to men that women are not all bad, and to some women that men are also not so. It's really wearing me down.

Well. What I am asking is for your strength and light to help me not finish building this wall. After all this ranting and raving, I know I need to remain open, and that this is part of why this pattern is repeating. This Gemini is living in my house, and with honor I cannot ask him to leave - he has no where else to go. This is time for me to confront whatever it was I did wrong last time; I just can't seem to figure out what that was. I was as open then to that person as i am now, and got seriously wounded for all of my trouble. At this point I feel like an old, too-serious predictable goody-two-shoes with a guilty secret. Do not like.

Thank you, sorry for the rambling; I can't talk to anyone else about this; no one understands what I mean.
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