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Reply #4: I've come back to this post maybe 5 or 6 times and have been unable to put [View All]

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katsy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Apr-09-07 04:33 PM
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4. I've come back to this post maybe 5 or 6 times and have been unable to put
my thoughts into anything coherent. Not that any has changed now.

My children are 6 year old twins and I can relate to not having a positive role model for a mom... but my dad was wonderful. Neither parent used their hands except to be helpful or huggy.

Your question made me wonder why I hadn't asked myself something along those lines before having children.

I don't know how to measure my successes as a parent (if there are any). If I had to try to measure success, laughter and hugs and kisses lead the way at this young age.

When they were very young, we impressed upon them that they will never get punished for telling the truth and that our hands are loving. That has been our best committment to peace in my family so far. When they tell the truth it opens dialog for a better understanding of the world around them. It just works for us. But then again... who knows how the teenage years will go.

I do know when I fail. It's like a slap in the face and then it's never repeated... ever. It happened once when I yelled really loudly - I mean wailed when the twins were in a tag-team torture mom kinda mood. I'm not a screamer yet I failed myself that day. A huge "get out of this room" wail. What a dumb thing to do coming from someone who values dialog, eh?

Today I was thinking about how important privacy was to me growing up. The privacy of my own thoughts and place to be myself. This will be their next step I'm sure. I'm just selfish enough to let them go at their own speed (as opposed to my own timeline) which in turn gives me my space back. Does that make sense to you?

I was selfish enough to let them use knives to cut their food at age 2+ because they thought they could and I wouldn't have to do it.

I was selfish enough to let them get their own Cheerie'Os at age 3+ so I could sleep later.

I'm selfish enough to let them explore my "stuff" because it makes me get rid of what I don't want on the spot instead of starting a big spring cleaning production.

I'm selfish enough to let them take their own showers because they insisted they could handle it.

I'm selfish enough to let them paint my walls because their art pleases me and I'm not territorial except for my home office.

I'm selfish enough to look away from the mess they sometimes make because I don't care to clean it (oh dad!). Seriously, I may suggest they clean their room, but they won't until they loose their favorite toy, which is fine by me.

I'm selfish enough to believe them when they say they're ready to sort their own clothes for the laundry, or wash the kitchen floor or whatever... because I don't want to. I use natural oils with water and they couldn't drink enough of it to get sick. A little pure, organic grapefruit extract goes a long way. They smell better too. They break eggs & beat them for breakfast omelets (I supervise the stove always) and other wierd food too. Hey, if they like it and it's organic who am I to interfere? If they want to do it, my job is to make the activity safe, not deny their experiments.

I'm selfish enough to be a mommy when they want me and to stand back and let them succeed their own accomplishments. Hell if I always nag them about what to do, how will they ever know how to handle themselves? I'm there for questions or comfort & love should they need me.

I'm selfish enough not to allow teevee because it gets on my nerves (never saw idol, seinfeld or anything), but I play with them when I want. I chose chess and video games. They both play well for their age. Hubby reads books with them and does math stuff. Love it when they play alone and they love playing piano. They never "want" stuff from commercials because I put my foot down long ago about teevee. No exceptions. They like our clothes though.

I'm selfish enough never to walk a stupid mall but can relate to their excitement at going to the local science center and the beach/pool. They've only been to a mall twice and once they were too young to remember. We visit the library at least 3 or 4 times a week. Malls - no. We buy from small, local shops where people know our name.

Someday, one of them is going to write their own "Mommy Dearest" book I suspect. Mommy never taught us to use clothes hangers! The video game playing unMommy! Who was that masked woman hiding from us when we were washing floors and walls? HA HA.

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