Hello, goodbye, and an extremely long post in between.

[Sapphocrat]

As long as I'm here...

I was lured out of self-imposed exile -- after eight months being of being logged out, lurking occasionally when I would hear that the place was in meltdown -- by something I read that was so over the top, I had to post. The thread is now, thankfully, locked.

Having just cruised through another thread (in GD, I think -- I'll skip linking it, but I'm sure you'll all find it soon enough), I remember why I logged off. Suffice to say, I need a long, hot shower.

I'm off to go do what I do -- which, lately, has been a non-stop effort since May to keep, and now regain, our right to marry. For anyone who hasn't heard (is that possible?), Buffy and I tied the knot in August, with family, friends, wedding planner, gorgeous gay waiters in black jackets, cake we did not smash in each other's face, the works. (Yes, there are pictures, on our blogs.)

Seriously: As you can imagine, our hearts have been all but completely shattered by the passage of Proposition 8. We worked so hard, both of us, spoke with everyone we could, donated a lot of money we didn't have to spare, blogged our asses off, and, Election Day, while Buffy was at work making up for some of the obscene sum her wife had poured into the No On 8 campaign, I was in front of a church with other No On 8 folks, campaigning and gets honks of support from passing cars (and more than a few horrible anti-gay slurs and overt gestures thrown our way -- believe me, getting flipped off was the nicest gesture from those assholes).

This past Sunday, we went to the wedding of a dear, dear friend of mine and his partner (now husband) of 14 years. G's family -- his many siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, great-nieces and -nephews, and G's and R's friends -- were all there. If there was a dry eye in the house, it wasn't mine. I felt so honored to be there... and so proud, meeting G's big family for the first time, to introduce Buffy as my wife.

The officiant was a county official and close friend of G's -- who had married his husband only the Monday before.

If only everyone could have been there and seen the love between G and R, and the outpouring of joy all around... It was a celebration of love -- but, oh, so bittersweet.

*deep breath*

Of course, we hope Jerry Brown is right, and our marriage, and G's and R's, will remain intact along with those of the other 18,000 couples who married before the hateful bigots in this state took it all away -- but that's no consolation to either of us. We are grieving, inconsolably, for the couples who can't experience the same joy we did in marrying legally now, and may never be able to.

But perhaps even more than that, it is the sheer weight of this hatred that is absolutely unbearable. There's barely been one hour that's gone by when I haven't started crying all over again. Family members across the country -- including our sisters who stood up for us, who proudly witnessed our marriage with their signatures on our marriage certificate, and including my born-again cousin I thought would never be able to overcome her church's beliefs to be there for me, but did, flying more than 500 miles and staying alone somewhere for the first time in her 50-something years to honor my marriage as much as she does her own of some 20+ years -- called or wrote as soon as they heard, and I had to tell them I just couldn't even speak about it yet.

Those of you who know me know I have a sister to whom I couldn't be closer if we'd been joined at the hip; I always said I couldn't get married without her as my "best woman." I could barely even talk to her -- because she knows me so well, and loves me so much, I couldn't bear to weigh her down with the full weight of my anguish.

My mom -- small, feisty, 87 years old, who I thought wouldn't make it through her last health crisis since her last health crisis, and who, in her flowing pink chiffon, looking like she'd just walked out of a movie, raised her glass at our wedding, looked at Buffy and said: "I have four daughters now" -- she's doing all she can to try to keep our hopes up. She's hurting so badly over the utterly incomprehensible idea that so many strangers would see her baby, and the woman who has surpassed her daughter's hopes and dreams, as a threat to civilization itself... and she's still trying to give us hope. She's being so strong, when you can see the pain in her eyes.

I've got a message sitting in my email inbox from our officiant -- a fantastic woman who walked two stunned, stage-shocked fiancees through the most important moment of their lives, and made it all perfect -- titled "Don't Lose Hope," and I can't even bring myself to read it, because I know I'll fall apart.

No, folks, I'm not asking for pity (I have enough self-pity already) -- I just want to try to make anyone who doesn't understand yet just how devastating this is. To know that more than half the people in my home state -- my home state, where my great-grandfather got offa da boat, never learned English, but busted his ass for a virtual slavedriver and sired more than one hundred years' worth of hardworking brown people who planted orchards and picked prunes until their skin was like leather under the sun -- the place I love so much, and used to be so proud of... these... interlopers, these bigots, no different from the ones who spat "Black Port-a-gee" and "Goddamn dagos, goddamn wops" at my forebears, the ones who locked my great-uncle into his home from dusk to dawn during WWII because he was born in Italy, the ones who anglicized my family name with the stroke of a pen because they couldn't be bothered to spell it (and, anyway, we should be glad, right, because it sounded Mexican, and being mistaken for a Mexican would have been even worse than being known as a Port-a-gee) -- they're back, and they hate us, me, mine, ours, so much, all over again. The "reason" may sound different to you, but to this third-generation Black-Port-a-gee, this dago, this wop, it's the same reason. It just has a different name.

No, no -- don't anyone dare try to excuse these modern-day carpetbaggers for their "deeply held religious beliefs," or ignorance, or anything else. They're just bigots, and I am a non-human to them. My marriage is a sham to them, a joke. They think more highly of caged chickens than they do of my wife and me, and so many thousands of other loving, law-abiding, decent couples.

I went 'round and 'round with a lot of trolls who came to my blog to bait me -- self-identified Mormons, most of them (and if you don't believe it, you can browse through the comments yourself and read some very long conversations) -- and, in the end, it was futile. There is no changing a closed mind.

Nevertheless...

I feel destroyed, but I am not. When I can shove down the deep hurt, my white-hot anger rises, and I want action. Legal, nonviolent action, but action nonetheless. These fuckers are not going to get away with this. They have won the battle, and they may very well win the war, but I am NOT going down without fighting the fight of my life.

I've gone head-to-head with these assholes, and I've dug deeper into the backgrounds of the individuals behind this campaign of hate than any sane ten people would ever bother. The upshot? The power-brokers behind Proposition 8 have been behind every dirty-tricks campaign in California -- and far beyond -- over the last 20, 30 years. The incestuousness of this web of connections is breathtaking (I actually put together a chart, and it looks like a web spun by a spider on crack) -- and it will not be stopped if we fail to take a stand NOW.

Following this stuff has earned me a phone call or two I wasn't expecting; let's just say the Knights of Columbus do NOT like being exposed for their part in all this (and they really don't like the idea of anyone examining their IRS forms).

My advice: DO NOT for a moment buy into the "poor little persecuted Mormons / Catholics / other-religious-group" bullshit. Not for one second. The drones -- the scared sheep who think they must follow the church's edict to donate all their money and spend countless man-hours spreading anti-gay propaganda or they won't get into Heaven -- are as much to blame as the money men behind it all. These people are ADULTS, and must be held accountable for their own decisions, and their own actions.

I don't hate all Mormons (and I certainly don't hate all Catholics -- my family is Catholic, and they're not bigots, not even the Republican side), and I am aware of many, many good Mormons who abided by their "free agency" and did what they knew was morally right: they fought against Proposition 8, as hard as they could, many (such as Andrew Callahan of SigningforSomething.org) risking excommunication, and about half a dozen I know of who resigned from the church of their own accord, specifically because Prop 8 was the last straw.

I also know of a group of Seventh-Day Adventists who opposed their own (historically very anti-gay) church to speak out publicly against this travesty.

And you know what? The majority of these "apostates" still think homosexuality is a sin, and do not believe that gay people should be able to marry, legally or religiously.

But they fought it because it was the right thing to do -- because they recognized that enshrining any religious belief into law, including their own, was wrong. That's it. That's all there was to it for them: It was wrong to force anyone else to live by their beliefs; if they condoned that, they realized, they would be doing exactly what Jesus admonished his disciple for doing in Matthew 26:51-54: trying to fulfill Scripture by force, which essentially means Scripture will not be fulfilled. (Look it up -- it's the "all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword" story.)

So, you see, when we LGBTs get our asses kicked -- or kick our own asses -- for not taking it upon ourselves to "educate" people (as if we don't do that already, every single day of our lives!), we're playing a fool's game. Yes, of course, we should always do "outreach" whenever the opportunity arises, but to think 10% (or less) of the population is even capable of the kind of "outreach" that can be (and was) done by religious institutions with more money, power, and resources than we can even imagine -- and ground troops brainwashed into believing God is on their side -- is ludicrous and self-defeating.

I spent the night before the election pacing like a cat in a cage, wondering what more I could have done. My wife assured me there was nothing more, that I had gone above and beyond the call. But I couldn't shake the thought that if I had spoken with just one more person, or put an argument forth from a different angle, or donated one more time...

And then, today, I realized there really was nothing more I could have done -- and, perhaps, nothing I did accomplished anything. The church-cowed homophobes will never listen to me -- but that's not my fault. They need to listen to themselves, to whatever it is inside each of us that allows us to get inside the other guy's skin, and, even if we don't like that skin, to rise above our own prejudice and treat him as a fellow human being, worthy of everything we are, and everything we have.

There are many Mormons and SDA's who did just that.

When it appeared that he was about to be executed for heresy, Galileo defended his life to the Catholic Church with these words:

"I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."

There are far too many people who believe that every gift is God-given -- yet are far too willing to forego their sense, reason, and intellect.

I hold those people accountable. I demand justice.

Or, as one of my favorite bumper stickers says: "Jesus is no excuse for being a narrow-minded bigot."

So, folks, don't give in this time to your natural tendency toward compassion and forgiveness with the supporters of the marriage bans in California, Arizona, and Florida, and the adoption ban in Arkansas. I know you have this tendency, because you are Democrats -- and more than a few of you are genuine liberals. (No wink, no sarcasm smiley.) And, as such, you are compelled to try to see it from the other guy's side, and cut him slack.

Don't do it this time. These are people not to be coddled (and, in many cases, not to be fucked with, at least alone). Don't let your compassion overcome your common sense, or fortitude, or determination to play hardball.

Haven't we all complained about that very thing -- about the spinelessness and all-too-eager capitulation of the Democratic leadership?

Well, you have a choice: You can be a pathetic wimp like Harry Reid, and stand by silently as your LGBT brothers and sisters are sacrificed once again. Or you can realize that you are going up against Karl Rove all over again, only this time Rove comes in the form of fanatical, fundamental, evangelical, organized religion. For those of you of the Christian persuasion, these are the wolves in sheeps' clothing you've feared.

Do NOT back down. Do NOT go soft.

Well, that's about it. I haven't even written this much lately on my own blog. And, speaking of which -- and I swear to... well, your God ... this is not a shameless plug -- I encourage you to read my blog, if for no other reason than to start clicking on the long list of sites in my blogroll. I know a lot of you reading this, to put it politely, hate my guts and wish I'd just die, but can you put aside personal differences long enough to at least come on over and check out some of my compatriots' blogs? If you don't want to listen to me, listen to them. This issue is far, far bigger than any personal crap -- we're talking about the one core value we all share: the unconditional commitment to full equality for everyone.

Hey, if I can work with in harmony with people who still say stuff like, "I'll pray that you overcome your sinful lifestyle," while fighting with me to stop the United States from becoming a theocracy, then you can work with me.

One more thing: If you think this is all just about same-sex marriage, you are dead wrong. Dead. Wrong.

There's a reason the Radical Religious Right keeps throwing out insane "slippery slope" lies like "Gay marriage will lead to 'marriage' between brother and sister! man and dog! mother and child!" The reason is that it's projection, in the Freudian sense of the word. Not that the religionists want to marry their Irish Setters or anything -- I mean, their true agenda is composed of a very real "slippery slope," and that is to incrementally strip all LGBT Americans of all our rights and protections, right on down to antidiscrimination laws in housing and employment.

Don't you understand, that's why they're so insanely hysterical about destroying our marriage right in California? If they succeed, and Prop 8 stands, they will fight, hard, to nullify the marriages of all same-sex couples legally married since June. After that, they will fight to overturn our domestic partnerships (just as Pete Knight, author of Prop 22, attempted in his suit to stop the establishment of DPs as a "violation" of Prop 22).

And then... What's next? Take your pick.

Why do you think the Prop 8 camp went so ballistic over this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q28UwAyzUkE

It fits the classic definition of satire. It depicts the truth.

Did you know that there were some 10+ drafts of Proposition 8 submitted to the California Secretary of State before the final version made it to the state ballot?

Did you know that the Prop 8 camp nearly had an internal meltdown over the summer when it came out that one faction (the California Family Council) had been trying to keep Prop 8 as we know it OFF the ballot, because it didn't go far enough?

Do you know what the early drafts of Prop 8 mandated? Not only defining marriage as between a man and a woman, but defining what a "man" was, and what a "woman" was -- by the presence or absence of a Y chromosome.

Don't believe me? It's on the CA SOS's site (Google it).

So where would that leave transgender people?

Fucked.

Where would that leave intersexed (specifically, those with Klinefelter's syndrome, or XXY by birth)?

Fucked.

This is satire too, but it's not far off the mark:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiYmjDzSg3o

Seriously, this is not just a "gay thing." It's not even just a "queer thing." These maniacs really DO want to get so far into your stuff (literally), there is no limit. They will not be satisfied until everyone who is not like them has no rights at all.

You know what Rev. Martin Niemoller wrote. You don't need me to quote it for you again, I hope.

For those of you who have actually read this far, I thank you sincerely for listening.

I don't know what else there is to say, except: "I have not yet begun to fight."

Please join me. Join us. Don't let your outrage subside so that you forget about this travesty in a few days, and then be reminded of it a year from now by a small mention on page 23 of the newspaper that informs you they've taken away our domestic partnerships, and our adoption rights, and are now working to roll back fair housing -- but only for gays.

Please don't leave us on our own this time. Please. Please fight with us, and don't stop. We need you.

And don't buy their cries of "persecution." If you do, you may as well be Eve sympathizing with the snake.

That's all, I guess. Except: Please don't be offended if I don't answer any replies. I have to log out again (just to prevent myself from ripping a few people to shreds), and I can't say when or if I'll be back. I just hope I've given you some constructive food for thought, maybe even some inspiration. I doubt it -- I'm not very good at inspiring anyone who isn't already chomping at the bit, but I'll hope so anyway.

Thank you.