Reply #18: Thankfully -

[sepia_steel]

I did not pick up smoking again. I quit in June. I have gained 8 pounds recently. I can't stand to get up in the morning without checking DU. I abandon my own message board to wait here for news. My fingernails - GONE. I forego make-up to check DU before I leave the house. Dishes tend to pile up for a couple of days now. I feel hopeless, disgusted, angry, motivated all at once. I email politicians and media people all friggin' day. My online friends are sick of hearing me talk about this stuff. I sleep until I can't sleep anymore, but still wake up too early. I am frustrated because people don't understand the magnitude of this or its importance. They don't know, and they don't want to know. I finally crumbled and cried (can't remember what development set me off; it was about 2 weeks ago).

I am hopeful, but a mess. Not giving up.