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Reply #8: It's that and more. [View All]

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TahitiNut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Aug-02-09 12:18 AM
Response to Reply #7
8. It's that and more.
Thanks. That's generous of you to say. She never regained consciousness since last night (Friday? I've lost track) and the last words I said to her then and the night before were that I loved her ... with words of support and encouragement (keeping the stiff upper lip and all). I didn't want my last memories to be painted with more of her (I'd infer) suffering and pending demise. I saw into the ICU unit in which she was lying and saw enough as it was. My step-sister (a 'good Catholic' (really)) did me the favor of staying there while I went outside and waited. Once they removed the ventilation tube, it was relatively quick and painless, she said.

My father, who wasn't around for half of my 'broken home' growing up, died about 30 years ago. He had a massive coronary while leaning off a bar stool in the VFW to light a gal's cigarette. The medical folks at the hospital said he was probably dead before he hit the floor. They asked if I wanted to see his body ... but I demurred. It's not something I do unless I can't avoid it.

I think I made the best choices I was capable of making. I'll hopefully not have regrets in the future for not doing the "right thing" -- which is my "Death Of The Hired Man" litmus test.

It's tough living in 'her' house with 'her' stuff all around ... and being alone after 6.5 years of being constantly conscious of her well-being (listening to hear if she falls, etc.). That's what's going to be rough, I guess.

At some point, I guess I'll start having daily cries/weepings for a while ... which experience tells me is my 'way' ... but at this point I'm so tired, stressed, and whacked out it's hard to even climb stairs or pour myself a lemonade. I have LOTS of 'housekeeping' to do ... lots. I'm not good at facing such depressing solitary tasks, either. Oh well.
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