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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Feb-22-05 04:48 PM
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Thought I'd post this here as it's mostly about CA
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Edited on Tue Feb-22-05 04:55 PM by sfexpat2000
(Doug & I write or sponsor other comics to write a political comedy col for the SF Street Sheet. Thought some of you might like to peek.B.)

Street Sheet March Issue

Disclaimer: My name is Doug Ferrari, I have no porn sites on the Web, so dont even look. Im not a male escort, and I dont pretend Im a reporter. Ive never had a press pass, and Im not willing to blow Scott McClellan to get one.

So, how do you like having the Terminator for Gov? I thinks hes done a good job. So far, we havent been attacked by killer robots from the future.

Why did Arnold want to be Governor anyway? He makes $30 million a movie, and thats a million dollars a word, isnt it? I know why hes Governor. Every time a little old lady in an Indian casino pulls a lever, Arnolds campaign gets a nickel.

For some reason, knowing that Ahnold met with the Enron boys before the Recall makes me go Hmmmmmmmm. Its like, Grandma, beware! They might start turning dials and giving us fake and really expensive brownouts again. And, remember that during his campaign, Arnold promised an investigation into his sexual harassment history? (Do you remember or is California Recall an oxymoron?) Then he said he investigated himself. I hope he used both hands, to be fair.

People elected Arnold because in the movies, hes a big hulking hero who protects people. But they didnt elect the Terminator, they elected Schwarzenegger. Hes the guy who wants to cut services for housing, education, Medicare, services for the elderly and the disabled, and for animals. What do we need all of that for anyway?

Even with housing so messed up in California, the Gropenator is racking up bills living in exclusive hotels. Is he doing that on purpose, do you think, or is he just completely clueless? Didnt any of those neoCons fill him in on the States sensitivities? Arnold doesnt understand why anyones homeless. After all, there are plenty of Marriott Courtyard Hotels. .

Remember when he wanted to euthanize animals at the pound after 48 hours instead of 7 days? He got so many calls on that one, he had to give the dogs a pardon the very same day. But, it gives you an idea about how they decide what gets tossed out of the budget. The team goes into a huddle and figures out who has the biggest mobility problems. Do you think they worry about disabled people and cats hitting the freeways to go protest in Sacramento?

Arnold was talking about cleaning up baseball. What, is he nuts? Dont our teams have to win to generate the big bucks? And, this is a guy who did more steroids than Jose Canseco and the Raiders combined. The guys balls must be the size of Grape Nuts.

He wants to redistrict California. Gives me flashbacks to Tom Delays Texas coup. What, will our Democratic congress people have to flee to Ensenada for weeks to avoid getting caught by Homeland Security? Do you know the room rates in Ensenada?

If he asked, Id just say, lets cuter up into three slices. Well take the coast and the constitution. You can have Orange County and the Rapture. Way up north, well, theyre already halfway to Vancouver. They should just run for it.

Arnold wants to make this a red state. Well, he cant touch San Francisco. Were our own little island. Were the only county that didnt vote for him. I say we start building the wall today. Then Newsom can charge visitors an entrance fee. You want to be blue for a day? Thatll be five bucks, hope you enjoy the park.

And its working. First they put out a hit on Davis. Then, they got rid of Kevin Shelley because he took a stand against those no receipt, just trust me electronic voting machines. The Chronicle had him on the front cover every day for months. He got more bad press than Michael Jackson and Paris Hilton put together, something that will never happen.

When Arnold was elected, his home town in Austria was going to build a big Terminator statue in his honor but theyve cancelled it because hes for the death penalty. They want to revoke his citizenship. When youre too far to the right for the birthplace of Hitler, you automatically make the RNCs Top Ten list.

(As I write this, Bush is in Europe. The worst thing about knowing Bush is on a good will tour is knowing that at some point, he will open his mouth. Hes mending fences by attacking Iran, Syria, and Russia. Mr. Diplomacy. Couldnt we send Carter or some body else instead? Bush couldnt be diplomatic if he had the mike in his ear again listening to Karen Hughes whisper one syllable words from a remote location.)

(This is the guy who picked Cantbeleeva Rice for Secretary Of State and Abu Ghraib Gonzales for Attorney General. Our prisons are already ordering dog leashes. And Michael Chertoff for Homeland Security, the guy who rounded up everybody with a beard after 9/11. They even arrested ZZ Top. John Death Squads Negroponte is going to be our new Intelligence Czar. These Iran/Contra guys keep coming back we cant get rid of them. Why not Oliver North for Treasury Sec? The End Times must be coming because this is the Cabinet From Hell.)

Theres been lots of Republican talk about changing the Constitution so Arnold could run for President. Thats good news. I didnt know we still had the Constitution. Glad to see it made the cut.

Doug & Beth Ferrari

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