Tips For Teabaggers

[NanceGreggs]

No doubt you have now been convinced, the vast dozens of you, by FOX-News and various and sundry other purveyors of the non-truth, that yesterday’s non-event was an event that rocked the world.

Ergo (oh, for Christ’s sake, Google the word, why don’t you?) you will be planning non-events for the future.

Please consider the following Tips for Teabaggers:

· Change your name. Considering the connotation of teabagging, you might want to – no, uh, nevermind. Stick with teabaggers – it’s just too :rofl:


· Try to find out what is it you are allegedly protesting before you participate. Chances are (being as there are so few of you) you will wind up in front of a TV camera at some point, being asked why you are there. Responses like “duh”, “I dunno”, and “beats me” do little to advance your cause – whatever that cause may be.

· Pulling off the grassroots movement thing means NOT making references to FOX-News or corporate sponsors of your non-event. It’s kind of like telling a chick you just met in a bar that you’re single and sexually insatiable – despite the fact that you’re wearing a wedding ring, and your BlackBerry keeps flashing a message about picking up some extra-strength Viagra on your way home.

· Placards and signs will be captured by TV and still cameras. Spelling and grammar come into play here – no, seriesly. Don’t be afraid to ask a neighbor for help in bringing properly-spelled words together into a coherent sentence. If you have a Liberal neighbor, he/she is probably your best bet when looking for someone with expertise in this area. (They may not agree with your political views, but they will defend to the death your right to mis-spell them.)

· A little fact-checking goes a long way. It’s always wise to make sure you’re not protesting what you think a new administration is about to do, when it turns out to be the same thing the previous administration (the one you supported so vehemently) actually did do for … eight … fuckin’ … years. “This Obama guy is about to plunge the nation into unfathomable debt – oh, noes!!!

· The clothes make the man/woman. Wearing a hatful of teabags will (a) demonstrate your idiocy for all the world to see, and (b) ensure that you never get laid again – at least not by anyone who isn’t just itchin’ to fuck an idiot.

· Stay mindful of those Good Christian Family Values ™ you’re always braggin’ about, especially while you’re out in public. Your seven-year-old with the “Don’t touch my piggy-bank” sign is adorable – why isn’t she in school? Oh, that’s right, schools are evil, what with being funded by tax dollars and all – just like those tax-dollar-funded firefighters who are on their way to your house, trying to save it as it burns to the ground while you’re out rantin’, wearing a hatful of teabags.

· Find a fact (yes, an actual fact] and commit it to memory (yes, at this point, a single fact will do) – that’s one more fact than you had in your empty head yesterday, and it might come in handy in future.

· If you find yourself in possession of a single fact, you might not want to participate in “teabagging” in future – and I’d suggest the first fact you look into is the definition of the word “teabagging”.

· But that’s just me … :rofl: