I am gay and I'm not upset about Rick Warren. (Warning: Long and Rambling. Apologies in advance.)

[Lucky 13]

Every gay or lesbian person in America has a slightly different perspective on our culture, religion, tolerance, acceptance, family, life, and politics. All perspectives are valid and it is certainly reasonable for people to be angry by Obama's selection of Rick Warren for the inauguration. I won't tell you that you don't have a right to be. You do. Your perspective and life experiences requires nothing less, and I respect it completely. My experiences have given me a fairly unique perspective and I've found that I'm just not as upset by Warren giving the prayer as some. It's just my perspective, which I thought I would share in the event anyone is interested. If not, stop reading and don't flame me.

Rick Warren is a representation of my family. Well, at least my biological family. I was raised in a strict Southern Baptist household. My family (with the exception of my lovely little sister) believe that homosexuality is a sin. They believe that there is something wrong with me. They believe I am choosing to rebel against God. BUT they do love me and have supported me in other areas of my life - academically, financially, etc.

When I was in my early 20's, my strict upbringing caused me to be very confused about how to reconcile my Christianity with being a lesbian. It led to panic attacks, severe depression, and eventually I became suicidal. Traditional therapy wasn't working. Meds weren't working. It was all spiraling downward quickly. In my darkest hour, as a last attempt at life before ending it all, I turned to my family. (Big mistake.) They promptly enrolled me in an ex-gay change program and Christian therapy (and paid lots of money to do so). At that point, I was so confused, desperate and despondent, I didn't know what I believed anymore. I didn't care where I was sent, what I had to do, or what the methodology was... all I knew was that I wasn't quite ready to off myself yet, and here was an option I hadn't yet tried.

I was in the program for months and honestly tried to make it work. But eventually I, like so many others, realized that it wasn't that I was failing the program... the program was failing me. Even in my fog of confusion and depression, I could identify that something was very wrong with the way these people thought.

Much to my family's dismay, I dropped out of the program, got a good LGBT counselor, and finally got appropriate treatment for the anxiety and depression. Ten years later, I'm can report that I am a well-adjusted, self-accepting, happy, non-Christian little dyke. I understand that I can't change my sexuality anymore than someone can change their race or genetics. And I no longer would want to. Like Yardwork says... I like being gay!! (Yardwork's post the other day entitled "I like being gay" was absolutely fantastic and summarizes much of how I feel. http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7982459)

My parents continue to disagree with my "choices" :eyes:, but they have made some positive steps. They welcomed my partner (when I had one) into their home and accepted that she was a part of my life, and therefore a part of theirs. They no longer lecture me about why being gay is wrong. They've stopped giving me Bibles for Christmas. Is it the complete acceptance one should have from their family? No. But, they have accepted me to the extent that they are capable. Their distorted view on Christianity, years of what I consider to be brainwashing, and (in my mother's case) a touch of mental illness limits what they are capable of. I have chosen to accept them for who they are, even though they don't accept me. I have chosen to act more Christian than they have, despite the fact that I stopped considering myself "Christian" years ago.

One interesting thing I look away from this experience is that as screwed up as their views are, I do believe many evangelicals' hearts are in the right place. My parents and the ex-gay nuts I was involved with ACTUALLY believe they are attempting to save my soul. They aren't "evil"... they are just WRONG... and spectacularly so. I believe many have been brainwashed to the point that there is very little logic or reason left in anything they do. I feel more sorry for them than I do any anger or hatred. They live simple, narrow, delusional, sad little lives.

Politically, at least since I've been around, the Republican party was the only one considered remotely acceptable by them. To them it is black and white: Republicans are pro-life. Democrats are pro-abortion. Republicans promote "Christian values". Democrats promote the "homosexual agenda", feminism, tree-hugging, and anti-Christian views. Division, division, division.

Obama's campaign was deliberately a "big tent". Everyone's ideas are welcome and the focus is finding areas of commonality, not focusing on division. (Ex. Obama stated the fact that NO ONE wants MORE abortions, so instead of focusing on abortion itself which divides Republicans and Democrats, Christians and non-Christians... we should focus on preventing unwanted pregnancies from occuring.) I believe this isn't him compromising progressive principals, I believe this is him shifting how politics works in this country.

I believe that is what he's doing with the selection of Rick Warren for the prayer. Like with my parents and other evangelicals, I don't believe Rick Warren is an evil man... I believe he is a WRONG man about many many things. Obama and I disagree with Rick Warren on abortion, homosexuality, and a host of other issues. But that's not what Obama focuses on. He has found some commonality with Warren and evangelicals that perhaps could end the bitter divisions that have separated us. Maybe it's international aid for diseases like AIDS and malaria, maybe it's homelessness and poverty, maybe it's embracing fatherhood vs. being a deadbeat dad. The point is, I think Obama believes that he (and vicariously all Democrats), can find at least ONE area of commonality with these people. And maybe, if he can highlight that commonality through Warren, he may be able to bring more people into the "tent". And THAT's how we'll change this country.

If we exclude or exile Evangelicals the way were were excluded for the last 8 years, it continues the culture of division propagated by the GOP and the mistrust deepens. If we are accepting of them, it gives us leverage to demand acceptance from them. We can either spend the next 4 years fighting the evangelicals' attempts to disrupt Obama's administration, OR we can let them know that they have a place in the administration and encourage them to participate. Find areas of commonality to work on. Ignore our differences but take a stand when necessary. But in general, accept that they are just as American and just as big a part of America as we are. Because, like it or not, they are.

Just like with me and my family... Does this involve us being bigger people than they are capable of being? Yes. Does this involve us acting more "Christian" (even though many of us aren't) than they are? Yes. (We're fairly used to this already aren't we?) But I think it's the right thing to do. And the only way real, wide-spread change will occur in this country. Rick Warren could turn out to be a great ally for Obama and I'm at least willing to give Obama the benefit of the doubt for now about those he involves in his inauguration and administration. You can never anticipate how a move like that will change the "hearts and minds" of Warren and evangelicals. And I care less about who he lets give speeches or prayers than what he actually does in office.

So there's my perspective. Hope I didn't offend anyone. It's just where I come from.

A few other points:

1) Obama never promised anyone that his selections for his administration or inauguration were going to be exclusively progressive, pro-gay, pro-abortion, liberal democrats. Obama did say that he wanted lots of varying view points around him. He stated did not want to surround himself with people who agreed with him all the time. Obama has been completely consistent in implementing these sentiments. It's our expectations that have shifted, not his.

2) The inaugural prayer is apparently important to Christian Evangelicals. I'm not sure I even believe in God at all anymore, so it is certainly not remotely important to me. As long as the prayer is kept relatively non-political and gays and abortion aren't declared an abomination to God, I don't really care. So I think it's ok to throw them a bone, let them have their little prayer while I go take a bathroom break, and then we are able to say that we extended an olive branch.

3) With respect to the argument that this "legitimizes" Rick Warren. I have sad news for everyone: He's already been legitimized and so has his message. Many many many Americans believe that there is something wrong with us, that we are "sick", that we need "help", that we don't deserve equal rights, etc. etc. etc. Rick Warren's presence or absence on that stage won't change that. But maybe being open to have a conversation with these people would... eventually... maybe... hopefully...

Peace.