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Reply #14: "If you cannot do something well, don't even bother trying" [View All]

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Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Mar-20-04 05:13 PM
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14. "If you cannot do something well, don't even bother trying"
I don't remember if my mother ever said that directly but it was implied and said in other words so many other times. I now realize how much this has handicapped me. I missed out on pursuing several things that I would have liked to do when I was a child/teenager. I also have had an emotionally difficult time learning and doing things that take me longer than most people, such as when I learned to drive, which was not something that I was naturually talented at. I am also questioning what it is that I really want to do because in the past the answer was that I do things because I can do them well, and I like doing well. I realize that this is so wrong, but I don't think that my mother has realized that yet. Her own father instilled that in his children's heads.
Because of my mother's focus on achievement and being angry with me if I didn't do well in everything in my life, I often thought that her love was conditional. I don't know if that it is true but it seemed like it. It makes it difficult because I have relationships which are much more unconditional that I have trouble forgiving myself and thinking that everything is alright between them and myself, long after I have been forgiven.
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