Reply #31: MissMillie...

[Madrone]

I agree with the sentiment above that tough love is needed. The problem is - you're the one that needs it. Please understand, first of all, that I think you are absolutely wonderful, I enjoy your contributions to this community, and I have much respect for you. I also understand where you're coming from in regard to your son.

That said ... Your son has no motivation because, frankly, why should he? He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and there are no consequences to him. Not only will you enable HIS lazy ass, you will take in his lazy friends and enable them too. I've been watching your heart break over your son for what? Five years? It's an endless circle of complaints, and nothing ever changes. He takes advantage of you, and has has no respect for you. He uses you. I understand your motivations, but the fact is you are doing your son no favors. What if (god forbid) something were to happen to you? Who would take care of him then? You need to force your son to be responsible for himself - and that includes his own apartment. He may hate you for it now, but he'll thank you for it later. Kids, even those 22 years old, WANT discipline and structure. If they're not used to it they'll scream like banshees when they get their first taste, but they become happier, better adjusted, more confident and content when they've got it.

I hope I haven't offended you as that is not my intention at all. I really DO understand your mindset ... but it's hurting you, and your son. Good luck. :hug: