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Reply #36: I saw my roommate/ex-boyfriend [View All]

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Runcible Spoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-15-04 04:52 AM
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36. I saw my roommate/ex-boyfriend
go through this over and over again with girls he met online. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh; you sound like a great guy who will make some girl very happy. It seems like you came off a little needy, just by reading your post and seeing how many times you called her. This seems to happen to people who "click" online: they meet in real time and somehow the whole allure of the mystery and anonymity dissolves. I was with my ex for 5 years, and the breakup was pretty hard on him. He went online a lot looking to meet new people, and there were quite a few girls who were really shitty to him. My guess is that after 5 years, he forgot that people have to get to know each other first before forming a relationship. Even if your emails were quite intimate, that can mean little without real face time. Honestly, she probably thought you were a nice guy but not exactly what she was looking for, and thus the whole (most likely) lie about her friend in the hospital. She probably thought that you wouldnt question the validity of such a lie. That's pretty shitty, and she should have just been honest, but take to heart that she probably thought you were a good person she couldn't reject outright. She most likely felt bad about the situation to the point where she couldn't face you and created the lie as a cheap and dirty "out" for herself. It's cowardly, but people do such things.

There is a silver lining, though. My ex met a girl he really likes, someone who, as you say about yourself, just "want(ed) to care about someone". So as I see it, you have two choices: you can either stop putting so much pressure on yourself to "care" about someone and just try to casually date until you find someone you click with (my ex, BTW, was supposed to be a one-night rebounder for me, but he was just sooooo nice in the morning that I stayed with him for 5 years!) or you can risk rejection by continuing to wear your heart and good intentions on your sleeve. I'm not saying one road is better than another, since we learn something from every experience. But you sound an awful lot like my ex, who lacked self-esteem and left himself open to get hurt. But don't give up on us women just yet. Nice guys may not always finish first, but they stay in the race much longer. Good luck to you!
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