Reply #17: I know I would like my OWN kids, that's not my issue

[StellaBlue]

haha. My mother says she was the same way. She didn't want kids, I was an accident after 11 years of marriage, she she was scared shitless when she found out she was pregnant. She had no particularly maternal feelings before pregnancy, and still doesn't feel maternal toward children other than me, though she can tolerate them and chat superficially with them. She doesn't HATE them (nor do I), she just thinks puppies are far cuter and more fun. Like myself. haha

Anyway, I just can't really relate to them. They seem to like me fine, so maybe I am just paranoid. Tonight the older child, who is a 5-year-old girl, wanted to show me her playroom. Exciting stuff... haha... I obliged, looked around, complimented her toys, asked which ones she liked best, told her I wish I had a playroom... blah blah blah.

I always sort of just feel like I am the 'different' one. Like I have always known that my life would not revolve around children. I am complete without children. Maternity (real or imagined) isn't my destiny. :/ I might have kids, yes, but the apex of my existence will not be in motherhood. I just know this. Please no platitudes about how I will feel differently when I have kids; I realize that; I realize that I can't understand the love you feel, etc; but I think being a mother will be A Part of my whole existence, not the culmination thereof.