Feeling a bit lonely tonight...

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

All the friends have got other things going on tonight, so I'm just kind hanging around.

The ex, whom I am stuck living with until the end of the year, is returning from Chicago where she's been all week meeting potential roommates and preparing for her move there in January. I somewhat hate to say it, because we are trying to be friends, but I really wish she weren't coming back. I've been doing really well, and I just feel myself bracing for something to happen that's going to stifle my healing.

I might add, Chicago is where she cheated on me. She claims the guy doesn't live there any more, and she's proven that, but I somehow can't buy that he hasn't been there this week. While that pisses me off, I've not been dwelling on it, focusing more on the fact that I'm moving on and trying to date other people. In fact, I hadn't really thought about it until today, because I know she's coming back. What I fear, however, is that she might be careless (and I do mean actually careless - I don't think she'd be malicious) and leave some kind of memorabilia (like a picture or something) hanging around that'll really kill me. It has already happened once a while back, and I did not react well. I really can't afford to go through all that again. I will probably ask her to be vigilant about that when she comes home, but I still worry, as even when everything was essentially perfect, she was always very careless about things.

I think I'm going to go see a movie later, just to get out, and preferably, not be here when she finally gets in. I'm not doing as bad as perhaps all this sounds, but it's one of those things I've got nagging at me inside my head, and I just wish I had someone around to help get it out of my head. A hug would go along way right now too, but I don't see that coming...