Reply #56: Not just first, but only

[jobycom]

I wouldn't agree with a parent who ALWAYS let a child scream in a store, but we have no idea what the background here was. Sometimes letting your child see that he won't win is the best tactic. A child that knows you will ALWAYS give in if he starts screaming in a store will ALWAYS use that as a method to defeat you in a store. You show the child that you won't be intimidated, and he is less likely to waste his energy, and hopefully, he begins to learn boundaries.

Of course there are times when the message you want your child to learn is public behavior, and then you focus on that. You can't teach your child everything at all times, though.

The secret to children is remembering that they are people. You deal with them as the situation requires, not based on a set of rules. Sometimes, that means letting the child win (sometimes you want your child to win, so they don't learn to accept defeat too easily). Sometimes it means letting the child scream his fool head off. A child is a little friend, and just like with your grown friends, you have to know them to know how to deal with them.

Being a parent is a lot different than it looks from the outside. I've never seen a book or movie or tv show that captures it very well. It's like living a life for two people, instead of for yourself. Or three, or however many kids you have.