Reply #19: It Depends

[Coyote_Bandit]

Sometimes I think it is comforting and reassuring. Perhaps they are looking out for us. Perhaps a way in which they continue to touch and impact us and live on.

I also think it can be an indication that we have unresolved issues with their loss. I think this is especially true if their death was unexpected and traumatic.

I've experienced both and I think the difference is only known to the dreamer. Are you dreaming that your brother didn't really die in that accident because you haven't accepted all of the implications of what occurred? Is it possible that you dreamed that his spirit jumped in your body because you feel some obligation to fill his role? Has it been difficult for the family to accept his loss or to speak about it? Do you avoid talking about his loss in order to not upset other family members? Or do you feel comforted by his presence in your dreams?

I too lost a sibling in an auto accident. I was quite young when it occurred. I used to think and dream of her quite often. And still do. But my dreams are different now. I can't really explain that except to say that they evoke different feelings and memories - my focus now is on her life rather than her loss. And that change is the result of me finally working through my own grief.

It is not unusual for younger people especially to have a more prolonged grieving process. Younger people not only have to grieve but often they have to learn how to grieve. And contrary to popular opinion the loss of a sibling often has a more profound effect than the loss of a parent. You have lost someone close to you who may perhaps be more like you than anyone else in the world. They lived in the same environment subject to the same rules and authorities and under the same primary caregivers. You may have spent more time with your brother than with any of your friends. There is nothing unusual or sick about this. It is a normal reaction to a profound loss.

If it has been nine years since he died and if you still feel like you are preoccupied with his loss rather than his life you may want to consider grief counseling or participating in a support group of survivors who have lost loved ones.

I hope you too remember and celebrate life rather than loss.