Reply #77: besides abusive words, jerking the kid's arm can dislocate the

[yellowdogintexas]

elbow. This happened to my daughter three different times, none of which were abusive, all of which were just accidents. Twice it was her own damn fault for deciding she did not want to do whatever it was the caregiver had in mind, and sitting down while being walked down the hall. Caregiver was holding her hand, kid plops down in the hall and pop goes the elbow. Pain and crying ensue. trip to the doctor and a quick pop back and no more pain. It is called nursemaid's elbow.

NOW: we have the potential immediate physical risk and the obvious emotional psychological damage going on at the same time. What a cruel thing to say to a kid.

I know I used to lose it with mine and boy could she stomp on my very last nerve...when I got that mad at her, I would tell her that if she did not calm down, I was going to mail her to Kentucky (and then call my mom and let HER calm her down). She adored my mother, so just the very idea of talking to her was enough to get her attention. Plus she had no concept of how the hell I could mail HER anywhere and even laughed at the idea a couple of times. Sure gave me a chance to get myself together.

On more than one occasion, when I have seen parents jerking their kids around by the forearm, I have approached them with just a gentle touch on the arm and asked "did you know you could accidentally dislocate your baby's arm that way?" Usually I get a look of utter shock, they did not KNOW ... and if my kid is with me she will say OH yeah, I did it three times by accident myself and it HURTS... we are such a tag team ....

In my roundabout southern way, I am just saying that a way to pop the tension and get the parent's attention is to focus on that little "what if" which, if nothing else, could get them to think a bit about consequences.

Oh yeah, don't walk around holding your little kid's hand with his/her arm way high in the air, especially if you are tall. All they have to do is fall, plop down, or give a good jerk and pop goes the elbow.