Reply #24: IMO, neither of you "deserves" anything from the other.

[Xithras]

Our parents raised us to be free, independent, responsible adults, and we raise our children to be the same. You didn't do her any favors by bringing her into this world...you CHOSE to have a child and raise her. You CHOSE to devote two decades of your life to her. You never gave her a choice in the matter, so you can't really "demand repayment".

On the other hand, she is not acting as a responsible adult. If she is 100% dependent on you, then she is choosing to give up her independence in order to be a dependent, and YOU have the right to impose any strings you want to her dependency. She may exercise her independence and move out, or she may work out some kind of equitable agreement, but either way she needs to face the fact that you can't be 100% free to do your own thing while foisting your responsibilities off on someone else...that's not what adulthood is all about.

And as for the "getting old" thing, you need to make sure you have a backup plan and aren't 100% dependent on her. You never know...she could decide to move across the country next year, or even to another country. She may not be in a position financially, emotionally, or psychologically to take on an elderly parent, or (like me) she may simply have no interest in it. NOBODY should depend on their kids to take care of them when they get old. It's not their responsibility, and it's very unfair for a parent to simply assume that they can impose themselves on their children whenever they want. They are independent, freethinking adults, and they should have the right to live however they choose.