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Reply #26: If Dr. Seuss Were a Woman [View All]

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Scout Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-22-04 11:00 AM
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26. If Dr. Seuss Were a Woman
If Dr. Seuss Were a Woman

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam
I don't brag to my buddies, about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions
I act nice at parties, don't act like a clown
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down!

I won't grab your boobies, I won't pinch your butt
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut
I don't go around readjusting my crotch
Or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch
I don't belch in public, don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman you see--I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, so glad I could sing
And thrilled I'm not covered with shag carpeting
Hair won't grow from my ears, or cover my back
And when I bend over, you can't see my crack.

I'm a woman, a lass, and I'm proud don't you see?
I'm blessed to have two breasts and squat when I pee.
I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I don't need male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
I'll never join The Hair Club or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance, and thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman, not a man, yes I am
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