RESUME - * W *

[NewHampster]

(This is circulating in email. If you've seen it already good and if it's been posted before, who cares. Another laugh is always good.)


RESUME

George W. Bush

The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had
my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record
has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I
refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug
use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid
combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I
bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The
company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil
industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor of
Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most
smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American
history.

With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my
father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after
losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over
one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.
Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.
history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
U.S. stock market.

I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office with a
criminal record.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one
year period.

After taking-off the entire month of August, I presided over the
worst security failure in U.S.history.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a
WMD.

In my State Of The Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S.
president.

In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs
and that trend continues every month.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
period.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any
president in U.S. history.

I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any
president since the advent of television.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was
revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut
in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war
time.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people)
shattering the record for protest against any person in the history
of mankind.

I've broken more international treaties than any president in U.S.
history.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I am the first president in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign
nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy
in the history of the United States government ..

I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war"
detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
Convention.

I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I am the all-time US. and world record-holder for receiving the
most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy
fraud in U.S. history. My political party used the Enron private
jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S.
Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected my
friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or
prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica
Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating
one of the biggest corporate rip offs in history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade
Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in
world history.

I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
security.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden
and Saddam Hussein to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.

Please consider my experience when voting in 2004