Reply #20: See below; also, I think it works itself out on the pre-rational level

[belle]

That is, the only real mellowing factor is longterm, constant exposure to real live gay people (or pick your minority) living cheek by jowl with you, as friends, neighbors, family members.

Obviously, this doesn't eradicate prejudice all by itself, as any number of encounters with "Some of my best friends!..." types can testify. And obviously, a lot of communities and families are not going to change overnight (and some won't at all, people being what they are); in the interim is when you see these weird rationalizations going on like Mom buying the excuse that she's trying to save her son from an even more fallen lifestyle than he's been cursed with, or whatever. But over the long haul, it's the only thing that really makes a lasting difference.

I mean, as gross and selfish and ignorant as some of these parents' behavior is, the bottom line is that they love their kids.

And of course, some parents are hateful awful people who will never accept their own flesh and blood, probably because they are in fact incapable of love.

But in general I think you find more people like this mother: conflicted and not very evolved in many ways, but not fundamentally a bad person. I guess I'd say, at least in terms of that town: wait and see what happens. Maybe in another ten years she'll still be holding out the hope that her darling boy is going to terminate his eight-year relationship with his boyfriend and find a nice girl; or maybe not. Or maybe she does still hold onto that hope, but she still invites the S.O. over for family events and tries in her strained way to be polite. You know?