Time with Bob Boudelang
"Our Great President Only Stands For Decent American-Style Torture, So Stop Saying That!!"
May 15, 2004
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
No, I mean who is not outraged and sick over the pictures of Our Great Poor Secretary of Defensive Donald Rumfilled being asked questions! In public! By Congresspeople! Who do they think they are? Who elected them to speak for the rest of us?
Do Congresspeople not support our troops, no matter how disgusting they are? Can they not focus on punishing the troops responsible instead of trying to distract us all by asking who ordered the troops in the first place?
Was it not enough that Our Great President told Congress last summer there would be no torture? Why would they not except that at face value, but go on to look at actual pictures of people being tortured just because the pictures were on television? Why were they outraged, instead of being outraged about the outrage?
What is worse is that when Our Great Senator Imhofe, who is not as dumb as everyone says, said he was outraged by the outrage, socialist Democraps and other smarty-pants were outraged! Well I am outraged about the outrage over the outrage over the outrage, and unless I lost count, that is how everybody should be outraged in the land of the free. Or else.
I am specially outraged that anyone would question the superb job that Secretary of Defensive Rumsfeld is doing. That is what Our Great President said to him, "You are doing a superb job," and that is enough for anyone with half a mind like me to figure it is quite a job he is giving us all indeed.
I mean, if there is anyone who would know a failure when he saw one, it is Our Great President. And he does not see one in Donald Rumfilled, that's for sure. Our Great President supports our troops, and that is why he says it is all their fault and not the fault of Donald Rumfilled.
And yes, Rumfilled was the first Secretary of Defensive in history to say the US military was like the Nazi blitzkreig and mean it as a good thing.
And yes, he was the only Secretary of Defensive in history to ever be sitting at his desk in the Pentagon when the building was attacked by an enemy.
And yes, he was the Secretary of Defensive who let Osama Bin Laden escape in Afghanistan.
And yes, he was the Secretary of Defensive who got rid of the generals who said we needed more troops in Iraq.
And yes, he is the Secretary of Defensive who now says we need more troops in Iraq.
And yes, he is the first Secretary of Defensive in history to say he would not obey the Geneva convention.
And yes, he is the first Secretary of Defensive to have prisoners of war tortured.
But gee wiz, except for some things like that, what is wrong with him? Next to nothing, if you don't count him selling North Korea a nuclear reactor or giving Sodom Husane weapons of mass distraction in the first place, and I certainly don't count that, accept as "youthful indescription" as Dr. Jeckill or Henry Hyde once said.
Let me ask you, why didn't YOU do the Secretary of Defensive job if you thought he was doing it so wrong? It is funny to hear people criticizing him now who did not help out then. But that is the difference between us Republicans and everybody else: we are the party of personal responsibility, so it is unfair to blame us for anything. Do you not support our troops?
But nobody wants to hear our story when they are busy obsessing over photos of torture, which is really no worse than what Rush Limbaugh does for fun, or so he says. And anyway, this is what happens when you have women in the military, which is why I am outraged, but only over that part and not over what they did. Which the prisoners probally deserved.
Sadly, even on a visit to Iraq, Secretary of Defensive Rumfilled could not get a break from questions and escape into some innocent shooting and killing. Instead, even though he told the troops that "I am a survivor" they selfishly pestered the grate man with selfish questions about their own selfish safety. As if their puny lives mean anything next to him! Really!
What is wrong with our troops? Do they not support our troops?
Sadly, it appears the war in Iraq will have to go on now without any more torture, which was not the bad kind of torture that Sodom Husane had, but the good kind of American-style torture that Our Great President handed out in his own fraternity house, which was neither homo nor sexual, which you would know if you did not have a dirty mind. And anyway, that was not torture but only abuse, which is very different unless you are getting it, in which case you probally deserve it anyway.
It does not have to be that way in Iraq. If the Iraqis want us to leave, all they have to do is say so. We would pack up and go, in that case, and yes they do too believe that. That is just common sense. But instead they go on shooting and bombing and wounding and killing Americans, which shows how much they really want us there. So that is why we cannot leave until we do.
Sadlyest of all, this constant drumstick of criticism is discouraging Republicans like me from speaking up out loud no matter what the librarian or other firebrant moderates say. Just this week I was leafing through the out of town papers at the library and I found this:
We've been getting more letters critical of President Bush than those that support him. Wešre not sure why, nor do we want to guess. But in today's increasingly polarized political environment, we would prefer our offering to put forward a better sense of balance.
Since we depend upon you, our readers, to supply our letters, that goal can be difficult. We can't run letters that we don't have.
I immediately wrote this letter:
It is about time you got some letters that do not describe Our Great President as AWOL or an unelected drunk or a crook or a psychotic thug or the stupidest man on earth like you asked for. This is just the politics of personal description, and I think you and I are fed up with it and want to go back to the way politics are supposed to be, talking about how Bill Klintoon killed all those people secretly because he is a Chinese spy.
George W. said Osama Bin Laden would be dead or alive, and now he is! Wala! as our amigos who should be sent back south of the border say.
Yours truly and I mean it...
Well! Would you believe it? Even though they got that letter they would not print it! I guess the true colors of the LIEberal yellow journalism biased media can be seen for what they are. Yellow!
But I am nothing if not persimmon. And I know there are many more like me who support Our Great President come hell or high water.
So I painted a sheet and hung it on my trailer that says "Our Great President Is Doing This!" I now spend the evenings standing on a box with a bag on my head and wires in my hands by the highway in front of the sign, just to show my support. And despite the scare headline it actually gets sort of peaceful there in the dark and quiet after a while. Plus Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld's savage watchdog Cujo cannot reach my ankles when I am on the box.
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who wishes he had put his head in a bag a long time ago. You can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.