Time with Bob Boudelang
"I Am Back Because I Cannot Be Kept Out of the Library!"
February 21, 2004
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot
And so here I am back writing what would be my award-winning
column if anyone would of given me one. And there is so much
to discuss with all the many triumphs of Our Great President
in the passed few weeks.
Jeepers! What American's heart was not just broken with pride
at the news that Our Great President wants to go into outer
space? And not because we will be rid of him, which is just
Mrs. Brown-Rosenfeld's sour grates, but because it will be
an exciting adventure "to only go where no man has gone before,"
like Captain Klerk used to tell Hogan.
And it was not just a way to distract the country from Iraq,
which is not a disaster, since our soldiers are still being
killed and wounded but only almost as fast as they were last
month, so there. Or from the economy, which is going great
guns if you do not count jobs. And no, he has not mentioned
the trip to Mars since, but that does not mean he has forgot
all about it.
But it will be another millstone in exploration, and I am
sure no one will mention out loud the astronauts that got
killed because the space shuttle is not safe with Bush. No
one except a few soreheads, that is, and she knows who I mean.
And then there was the State of the Union which Bush gave.
I am sure everybody watched whether they wanted to or not.
I myself would of seen it if there had not been basketball
on the TV at the Red Bear Lounge, where I am too allowed in
but did not choose to go because there was basketball and
not the State of the Union.
However, reading about it the next day was almost as good
as watching it, and that way I did not have to see the obnoxious
It was about time we had a president that he actually spoke
out against steroids in professional athletes, as well as
wanting teenagers not to have sex but to pee in a cup in schools
instead. And I am glad he had the bravery to speak out against
gay people getting married, although it is a shame he could
not speak out as clearly as that that great American the Reverend
It was also great to see George W. stand up under the relentless
questioning of Tim Ruffled on Meet Depressed, and I wish I
had which I was not hungover and missed, either.
What a shame that Our Great President has to keep getting
distracted by this constant uproar about him deserting the
Natural Guard, which he certainly did not in any way you can
prove but not because the records have been destroyed despite
what they say.
It is a real shame that cowards like John Kerry, who cravenly
went to Viet Nam for a few months and later complained about
it with Jane Fonda, are allowed to go around criticizing Our
Great President who bravely served in Texas and Alabama. Even
Mrs. Rosenfeld admits he kept the Viet Cong out of Happy Hour,
altho I do not know why people laugh when she says that.
And yes, the Economic Report said 2.6 million jobs will be
created and now everyone says that was wrong, but that is
a goal and not a forecast, or else it is a forecast and not
a goal. It all depends on what the meaning of is is. So it
would be wrong to hold Our Great President accountable for
what it says, since what has gone wrong is all Slick Willy
Klintoon's fault in ways that are so obvious that I do not
have to tell you what they are.
After all, Our Great President is not a statustician and
cannot be counted on to really tell the status of anything.
He got his MB of A from Yale, where they teach common sense
and not Ivy Tower nonsense like statustics.
And besides not being a statustician, Our Great President
does not rail against special interests. I am glad that his
people are finely getting this message out. Do we want the
kind of president who stands up to special interests and speaks
out against them, or do we want George W.?
Enclosing, let me say I am glad that Our Great President
will get a chance to unwind by seeing Mel Gibson's new movie
about Jesus. And I am sure he will approve of Mel Gibson's
father and what he had to say, even if he cannot speak out
himself because of the PC brain police.
It is a shame that that the assistant director of Mel's movie
got hit by lightning twice and that the guy who plays Jesus
got hit by lightning too. But that is probably only one of
those wacky coincidences and not a sign, or anything.
And yes, Mel Gibson belongs to a little cult of former Catholics
who think born-again Christians like me and George W. are
going to hell but he is just wrong and will find out when
he gets tossed into a lake of flaming brimstone and poked
by devils with pointy sticks for eternity hahahahaha. But
that does not mean we cannot all, as people of good will,
put aside our petty humdrum differences, and enjoy watching
Jesus get tortured by Jews together. Amen.
Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader and is too allowed
in the movies. If you want to buy him a ticket to prove it,
you can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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