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Equal Time with Bob Boudelang

"So What if Mary Cheney is a Gay Lesbian or Bill O. Reilly Has Sex With Falafels?!?"

October 16, 2004
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

well it was another triumph for Our Great President in the debates, even if he did drool in public. But that goes to show he is as human as the next guy, if not more so. He is the kind of guy you and I would like to go out and have a beer with, if you were buying and if he could still drink.

And yes, he did say something about the news organizations and laugh to himself for no reason, but that does not mean he is a dangerous lunatic. It was just a light-hearted moment that I hope everyone will forget they ever heard, okay?

Instead let us think about important issues, like what a swell jobs program No Child Left Behind is, and how since we have that program we do not have to raise the minimum wage.

It was an aspiring treat to see Our Great President in action, and despite what Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld says, he did not look at all like Crazy Googenheim, as you can see for yourself.

Crazy Googenheim Our Great President

Yes, George W. is keeping drugs from Canada away from old people for their own protection and not to make executives at drug companies richer, but he is going all the way to Canada to get old people flu shots even though they can't have them. That sort of plan shows that Our Great President's mind is always working, or something.

By the way, even Mrs. Rosenfeld was impressed that George W. said he was not getting a flu shot. "He already acts overmedicated," she said.

And who is not out and raged that John F. Kerry had the nerve to mention that Our Great Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter Mary Cheney is a gay lesbian of the homosexual variety. Why should this even be an issue? After all, it is not like Mary Cheney is the least upset about not being able to marry or being hated by folks like Marilyn Musgrave and Alan Keyes, and she doesn't seem to care that she going to burn in hell forever as everybody knows gayo-Americans will. So it is wrong for John F. Kerry to say she ought not to be discriminated against and shows he will say anything to get elected, no matter how kind or tolerant of other people it is.

But make no mistake about it, this is a cynical and shallow attempt by the DemoncRats to make the people who were going to vote for Our Great President because they know he hates Gayo Americans the way they do think twice about it. But it will not work, because I know people like me will not think twice, or even at all.

Instead we are shocked at how low Socialist LIEberals are willing to go to win by all costs necessary. So Bill O. Reilly wants to have sex with a falafel? So what? Like Mary Cheney losing civil rights that she ought not to have, that sort of thing is best left unmentioned by civilized people like you and me, especially me. There is no reason to pry into someone's private life for political reasons.

Besides it is not like it is hurting anyone to have sex with a falafel, unless you slip on the cole slaw that falls out. Not that I ran out and got a falafel from the pushcart on the corner and tried having sex with it in the alley behind the fish store because Bill O. Riley had done it. So stop laughing and pointing and saying that.

Meanwile, things could not be going better for Our Great President in Iraq if he tried. Hardly anyone has noticed the platoon defying an order over a suicide mission to deliver contaminated fuel to an American army base, and anyway they have been arrested so that is the end of the story.

And it was brave of George W. to stand up to the U of N and oppose women's rights like that. Freedom and human rights is on the march, and it is important we stop it before tyrants like the Europeans stop it, the way they would of stopped our cakewalk in Iraq if they could.

But instead we have a brave and forceful leader like Our Great President who will not let other countries run roughshod over us and let women have sex rights, especially not if they don't want to have sex rights with men, like Mary Cheney evidently does not, even though we should not mention that. But that does not mean there is anything wrong with a falafel now and then in the privacy of your own home or behind a dumpster, and anyway you cannot prove that is how I fell down and hurt my bottom.

Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who is outraged that anyone would think there was anything wrong with falafel sex. You can reach him at if you know where he can take a hot shower.

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