Democratic Underground

Equal Time with Bob Boudelang

"Hooray! Hooray! The Polls Are Better In Iraq Than Here At Home Due To Our Great President!"

September 25, 2004
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

Well! I guess it is all over now and John Kerry might as well pack his bags and go back to Viet Nam. Our Great President has held a press conference with the Prime Minister of Iraq, Dr. Hellawi to let America know how the cakewalk is going. And it is going just fine if you do not count the killings and the bombings and beheadings and stuff, which no-one should. Really. I mean it. You might as well not have an election, just like some of Iraq will not.

And really why does Iraq even need an election when things are going so good? As Our Great President said, "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America." And he would not make such a thing up, either.

Let me tell you this, when more people in a war-torn third world country like Iraq think Iraq is on the right track than people here in the U of S think America is on the right track, that is a special kind of leadership by a President like no other in history. I hope everyone who reads this takes those words to heart.

And despite what Mrs. Brown-Rosenfeld says, they do not think they are on the right track over there because they expect to win since the Commander in Chief here is an incompetent imbecile.

It is disgraceful to hear LIEberals say such things out loud and not get beaten up or worse. What a shame that some people want democracy here to undermine the democracy that they have in Iraq, where Prime Minister Hellawi already knows he will win the election, no matter what fraction ends up voting.

If only we had that system here!

Our Great President said about Iraq, "It is tough work. Everybody in America knows that, and the fundamental question is, are we going to allow the tough work to cause us to retreat, to waver?" And yes, the answer is, we will retreat and waver with honor, as Superb Secretary of Defensive Donald Rumfilled says. "Any implication that that place has to be peaceful and perfect before we can reduce coalition and U.S. forces, I think, would obviously be unwise, because it's never been peaceful and perfect, and it isn't likely to be," he said.

And given the massacre that has taken place there, who can argue?

After all, in looking through my scrapbooks of golden memories, I find that back at the beginning of the year Donald Rumfilled (who is not about to get fired, so stop saying that) said "And each month that goes by, already we've gone from zero to about 200,000 Iraqi security forces."

But clearly the few suiciders and the handful of terrorists have killed more than half of those brave fighting men, because yesterday George W. said, "Nearly 100,000 fully trained and equipped Iraqi soldiers, police officers and other security personnel are working today."

That must have been an inspiring battle to wipe out half of the Iraqis like that. I am sure it was another Custard's Last Stand and perhaps it explains why that Iraqi guy Chalabi does not seem to be mentioned in the stories from Iraq any more. So clearly we are better off getting out with the job half done, before the Iraqi army is ambushed again and only a few thousand brave soldiers remain.

I am sorry that great victory in which the Iraqi army lost got so little coverage in our running dog LIEberal yellow lackey media press, which was too busy making a fuss over the Muslin terrorist Calf Stevens. Yes, he got thrown out of the country hahahahaha, and maybe it will give him time to think up a name for that horse in his song.

It is a shame some people who will go nameless (but whose initials are Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld) do not look at all the successes Our Great Attorney General John "The Eagle is Sore" Ashcroft is having. Instead, she wines "Where is Osama? Where is the anthrax killer? Who is sending those letter bombs to 15 of the nationšs governors?"

Well, I will cut some cheese to go with that! It would serve her right if Calf Stevens and whichever half of Sheets and Chong is in prison were still on the loose. But they are not, and America is safer, thanks to Our Great President. And no, Calf Stevens is not in prison, but he should be, and that is the point.

So let us not get caught up in trivia, like how much money Our Great Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge is making while handing out contracts or who is taking $1 billion in healthcare money away from sick kids and focus on important issues, like how liberals will ban the Bible and how funny John Kerry looks wind-surfing. And remember to support Our Great President, who says "I think it's very important for the American president to mean what he says. That's why I understand that the enemy could misread what I say; that's why I try to be as clearly as I can. I don't want them to be emboldened by any confusion or doubt."

Could the choice be clearer for America? John Kerry, who wants the enemies of our country to be confused and doubtful, or Our Great President.

That is why I have my new hairdo. Where ever I go, I run into people who laugh in agreement. Some even point, impressed with the fanatical devotion of myself, and I'm sure convinced to vote for a man who could inspire it. Amen.

Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who hopes someday Our Great President could be as popular here as he is in Iraq. He (Bob, not Our Great President) can be reached at

Read Bob's Other Rebuttals

 Print this article (printer-friendly version)
Tell a friend about this article  Tell a friend about Bob Boudelang
 Jump to Editorials and Other Articles forum