Democratic Underground  

Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
"Bwahahahahaha Lefties! Ronald Reagan Will Still Be Dead in November!!
June 12, 2004
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

I'll bet every person like me is practically dancing with glee that Our Greatest President Ever Ronald Reagan is dead, and will still be dead in November when election time rolls around.

Take that, all you lieberals, and firebrant moderates, and Democraps, and blacko-Americans, and Gayo-Americans, and Hispanish Americans, and minority-Americans, and peacemongers, and union goons, and public school pimps, and old people, and differently unabled, and tree hugging envirowhackos, and femiNazis, and Jews, and intellectuals, and poor people, and unemployed people, and every other of those powerful special interest groups that oppressed white men with their PC and their rights! Ronald Reagan is dead dead dead!!

At last the white males who built this nation and died for its freedom get to have a hero in Ronald W. Reagan, so shut up and move to Communist Canada if you disagree. And I am sure if they were not dead they would rise from their graves if they were not cremated or rotted away and point out that it is no coincidence that Ronald "W" has the same middle initial as Our Great President has a middle initial. Which is "W," the greatest of all the 50 letters of the alphabet. Explain THAT, Mr. Atheist! If this is not proof of God's plan for the greatest country in the whole stinking world, I do not know what is.

So let us look back on the many accomplishments of Our Greatest President Ever Ronald Reagan, who was not afraid to hide his arms shipments to places like Iran and Iraq so that he could fund the Contras secretly to stand up to the nuns and peasants terrorizing friendly dictators throughout Central America. I was proud to stand with him as we took on the vicious tyrants of mighty Grenada, and if it was not for us, we might be cowering under their bootheels today if they had boots, although most people go barefoot or wear sandals down there.

And yes, we were in eminent danger from Grenada, although you cannot prove Reagan ever said that, just like you cannot prove George W. said why we went into Iraq. It was not just so that nobody would notice that Reagan did nothing about the 240 Marines killed in Lebanon but continue to sell arms to the people who had killed them. And nobody did notice at the time, but that was just a coincidence.

And yes, he did put a wreath on SS graves at Bitburg in Germany after he said he wasn't going to. And yes he did fall asleep while talking to the Pope. And yes, more than 135 of his officials were convicted or forced to resign to avoid a trial.

But who can forget all the things the Great Communicationer said? "I don't recall." ... "Catsup is a vegetable." ... "I don't recall." ... "Trees cause pollution." ... "I don't recall." ... "Facts are stupid things." ... "I don't recall." ... "Is it news that some fellow out in South Succotash someplace has just been laid off, that he should be interviewed nationwide?" ... "I don't recall."... "Maybe it's because we're doing so much and appointing so many that we're no longer seeking a token or something." ... "I don't recall." ... "The Contras are the moral equivalent of our Founding Fathers." ... "I don't recall." ... "I did approve the arms deal. I just can't say specifically when." ... "I don't recall." ... "You know, if I listened to him long enough, I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn, and that people are homeless, and people are going without food and medical attention, and that we've got to do something about the unemployed." ... "I don't recall."

I could not of said those things better myself, although in my own humble way I try. In fact, Secret Serivce Agent Brown often says I am one of the most trying people he has ever met.

I am sure this great death and great funeral will mark a great turning point in America, and that George W.'s sunny disposition, dignity and grace will win Americans to his side. Not that they are not on his side now, but still.

I think most REAL Americans are not paying attention to those memos Our Great Attroney General John "The Eagle is Sore" Ashcroft is refusing to show to Congress. And that is not because the memos would show that the torture was something Our Great President okayed, so get that straight! And anyway, if Congress could see them, the memos would show that it was okay for Our Great President to torture anyone he wanted to at the slightest wim, so there.

And if you support the troops like I do, you will not pay attention to that Army guy from Kentucky who got beaten by our own troops until he got brain-damaged. And you will not make a fuss about the former police officer who dared to ask people at home for a bullet-proof vest getting what is coming to him. The best way to support the troops is to ignore what happens to them or what they say.

And yes, the announcement about there being less terrorism now than before did turn out to be wrong, and there is more terrorism and not less. It was just wrong and not another lie by Our Great President, so stop saying that! It is even more important than ever that we do not laugh out loud when we see Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge or his assistants introduce new weapons like the Wheel of Terror, or that we do not ask how many billions of dollars were spent and where the money went.

Instead, let us focus on good news, like Denver almost becoming Baghdad's sister city even though they did not want to, or the good job Our Great President is doing bringing peace and stability to Iraq, or the way our allies in NATO almost joined in what is not a quagmyer in any way.

And best of all, Ronald Reagan is dead, and will still be dead when the election comes in November, despite anything Lie-berals and Socialist DemocRats and Moderate Extremists do or say. Let us never forget that, or else dig him up and hold another great funeral so we can remember. And maybe the next time Ollie North will not have to hide. Amen!

Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who still takes Boraxo for those headaches and the dizziness and the cold sweats and the noise in my ears that almost sounds like little voices. If you would like to join his movement to get Deaf Valley Days back on the T and V to honor Our Greatest Dead President Ever, drop him a line at

Read Bob's Other Rebuttals

Printer-friendly version
Tell a friend about this article Tell a friend about Bob Boudelang
Discuss this article
Democratic Underground Homepage