Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
"The Blackout and The Bombing and Death Could Not Interrupt the Vacation of Our Great President, All Right!
August 23, 2003
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

"Roll out those crazy crazy crazy days of summer," Martin Luther King Cole once sang and who does not have that old song ringing through his head day and night this August, even when he is trying to sleep and the cats are yowling and the savage watchdog Cujo is yapping and kids are throwing rocks at the trailer that is hot as hell even at night??

It makes you glad to know that Our Great President George W. Bush is off on his 35-day vacation, that not even the blackout or the bombing and killing was worth interrupting. Instead he looks relaxed and played golf even when he knew the UN building was blown up, which was not his fault in any way even though he was warned ahead of time.

Nor was the blackout the fault of Our Great President. Yes, he said the blackout was a wake-up call, but that does mean he was asleep. Instead it means that Dick Cheney was right to hold those secret meetings behind closed doors with people who cannot be identified, and not because they had anything to hide. Do not LIEberals and moderates see that we must drill for oil in the Artic Natural Wildlife Reserve so that caribou can never again cause a blackout?

George W. said, "Of course, we will have time to look at it and determine whether or not our grid needs to be modernized. I happen to think it does, and have said so all along." And I am sure he is not lying even though no one can remember him saying that before.

And yes, it began with FirstEnergy in Ohio, which gave millions to Our Great President, and yes, FirstEnergy also lied about how much money it had made and ignored a hole in its nuclear reactor. But gee wiz! Nobody is perfect. Are you so sure you do not have a hole in your nuclear reactor? Next you will tell us that the president and CEO of First Energy who made $7 million last year did not need a big tax cut for his family to buy back to school supplies and the like.

And while no one knows the exact cause of the blackout (which was certainly not mismanagement and deregulation) we do know that it was not terrorists, even if they say it was. Our Homely Secretary of Security Tom Ridge (who is not an incompetent buffoon) has been busy all these months drawing up the important color alert chart and warning us all to buy duck tape. He cannot be expected to take care of every measly little thing like electricity. There is no reason to panic and ask what he has done with the money he spent.

Meanwile, what a triumph in Iraq (if you do not count all the soldiers getting killed and wounded). We have captured Chemical Alley, who we only had killed in April. But that does not mean Our Secretary of Defensive Donald Rumfilled was lying when he said back then that Chemical Alley was dead. I am sure it was British intelligence or something.

Which speaking of which, it is absolutely true that that British scientist said that if Iraq was invaded he would be found dead in the woods and then he was found dead in the woods, but I am sure that is just a coincidence or something. Still, it is not like they have mentioned Our Great President even once yet at the trial, so do not think about it.

I could go on and on about all the other Republican triumphs like the successful roadmap for peace in Israel, or all the forest fires out west, or the great job Our Great Attorney General John Ashcroft is doing keeping the Bill of Rights uncollected.

But I wish I could report that the crazy crazy crazy days of summer were as triumphy for me as they are for George W. Some of us have to work with fishguts in the heat while some go on vacation for 35 days, and there is no use crying about it. One of the windows in my trailer is rusted shut, and the other has no screen and so the cats will get in. The tin is generally too hot to touch after sitting in the sun all day anyway, so I sit on the cinder block out front when I get home. Some times Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld turns the garden hose on me which I ought to complain about but it feels good.

Sadly, the other day I was recreating the Mission Accomplished aircraft carrier landing with My Great Little George W. Bush Action Figure and thinking about how we did not have to worry about Iraq or terrorism anymore since then, when Mrs. Brown Rosenfeld came out. "Are you not ashamed of yourself, a grown man playing with dollies?" she said.

"It is not a dolly but an action figure," I explained.

"Yeah. The George W. Bush action figure—put a nickel up its ass and watch it dance," she said.

Well, I was going to explain to her that she was a Saddam appeaser who ought to be beaten up for saying that in public if her son who drives a truck was not right there but her vicious watchdog Cujo seized Our Great Toy President in his savage jaws and ran off. I could not find it until the next day, and then his little head was even more chewed up than last time and there was some kind of horrible stain that smelled funny on his flightsuit.

Which does not help me sleep, as if I could with kids throwing rocks and all this noise. But I have faith in Our Great President and I know that he will prevail (and you will not be able to prove Jeb was involved again). Amen.

Bob Boudelang is a Republican team leader who would feel a lot better if he could sleep even an hour without some kind of god dam hullaballoo outside. If you knew who threw that string of firecrackers under the trailer at midnight please e-mail him at boboudelang@yahoo.com but I think I know and it wasn’t Osama Ben Ladin no matter what Secret Service Agent Brown says.