Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
Our Great President Has Said the State of the Union Is WAR, So There!"
January 31, 2002
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

Dateline: Sam Fransisco...

...hoping that my credentials as a world famous commentator and Republican Team Leader would get me into the game, but I could not find it anywhere and people only laughed when I asked them. (And I did not leave town just so the police wouldn't ask me about who burned down the CheapMart, not that I know anything about that, so there.)

Anyway, at first I was disgusted. Everywhere I went there were men smacking each other on the bottom, holding hands and hugging. And not for a good reason, like they had been trying to kill each other in a football game, but for a very bad reason. They like each other.

However, soon I found there was a nother side to Sam Fransisco, which no one ever discusses, which I blame on the LIEberal media. That guy Hooey Johnson that is under such criticism because he won't open his golf club to women should come here. There are bars here with no women in them at all! And no one says a word! I guess these people are not afraid of the PC-tyranny of socialists and Democraps.

Furthermore, they obviously recognized me from my weekly discussion, because they were very friendly. They kept buying me drinks, although they called me "Butch" instead of "Bob."

So I got to see the game on the T & V, and it showed why this country is the greatest country in the world, and that is Sportsmanship. Afterwards there was a riot in nearby Oakland by fans because they lost, in which cars were turned over and stores were looted, but that is not where I got this little laptop computer I am writing this on, as far as you know.

Of course the Super Bowl was only one great event in this titanic week of great events. For one thing, Our Great President was able to watch the game without being attacked by a pretzel, unlike last year. How glad we all were to see his face without bumps and bruises all over it.

For another, George W. gave the State of the Union speech, which was much better than last year's speech. Last year's speech was written by a Canadian guy who made up the Axles of Evil out of his own head. Now he has written a book saying just that and so it is just as well he was fired, which you cannot prove.

No one knows the Canadian guy who wrote this year's speech yet, and let us hope it stays that way.

Meanwhile, Our Great President hardly screwed up at all in the speech, which is a relief, not that we were afraid he would.

Who was not excited by the idea of hydrogen-powered cars? "With a new national commitment, our scientists and engineers will overcome obstacles to taking these cars from laboratory to showroom so that the first car driven by a child born today could be powered by hydrogen, and pollution-free," George W. said, and by obstacles he did not mean the tax break he gives to SUV owners, so stop saying that. He also did not mean by obstacles all the Republicans who attacked the idea when Al Gore suggested it in 1992.

Anyway, it is hard to imagine how new born babies will know that the car they are driving is pollution free, or even how they will drive at all. Most babies do nothing but sleep and eat when they are born.

Of course, most of the speech was about why we ought to attack Iraq, and you will notice he did not say "we want to steal their oil," which ought to prove that we do not want to steal their oil. As Colon Powell said, we will be taking care of their oil for them, not stealing it.

"Imagine those 19 hijackers with other weapons, and other plans - this time armed by Saddam Hussein," Our Great President said. What could show more clearly why we need to ignore Osama Bin Laden who actually did send those hijackers and focus on the person who did not? I ask you.

And no, George W. did not mention Osama, but it was not because the Bin Ladens and Bushes are in business together. I am sure it is just because this year's Canadian forgot. The same with the anthrax killer.

"Throughout the 20th century, small groups of men seized control of great nations, built armies and arsenals, and set out to dominate the weak and intimidate the world," Our Great President read. That is why we are spending more on weapons than any twelve countries combined and planning to conquer Iraq by striking first. It is part of a trend.

Another news, Senator Doctor Frisp scored his first victory as Senate Majority leader by blocking aid for starving people in Africa. Hooray for the Republicans, who tell starving people everywhere to get lost! He has saved hardworking taxpayers $500 million, so stop talking about the billions he stole from Medicare!

I would write more, but I have a busy evening ahead of me. I have met a new friend named Chad who from his outfit I suspect is a cowboy. He is another conservative, which I know because he keeps telling me "Whatever you say," when I observe what a mess left wingers have made. We are going back to his place, where he is going to give me a back rub. He also says that later I am going to meet the head of a big firm, which has me very excited. Perhaps this person will do for Bob what Lay did for Bush and Dick! So until next time, stand up, sit down, fight fight fight, as Our Jenius President would say.

Bob Boudelang is a Republican Team Leader who as you can see can not only comment on politics but sports, and who did not burn down the CheapMart on purpose or any other way.