Democratic Underground

Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
"George W. Is A Xmas Present For Us All, Even if His Face Is Rotting Off. Ho! Ho! Ho!"
December 21, 2001
by Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

In the interests of fairness and impartiality, we've decided that conservatives should have a voice on this website. So here he is - Bob Boudelang, American Patriot, with this week's rebuttal...

Ho! Ho! Ho! You lousy Democrap socialists! What could be more in the spirit of Xmas than our great President Bush (who was too elected since votes don't count) rounding up disloyal people at home and fighting the overseas war on terrorism (which is not a failure, so don't even think about saying that) abroad in Afghanistan? As it says in the Bible, "Keep Quiet, or get hit with a Big Stick."

Yes, George W. has failed to catch Bin Laden, and Chic Omar, and the Talleyrand and Alkaheeda have mostly gotten away but that is not his fault. After all, Afghanistan has a brand new government we gave them, headed by the guy we almost killed the other day, and he does too believe that was just an accident.

Nor is it President Bush's fault that there are lots of civilian casualties there now to ignore. It is Clintoon's fault, even if I cannot tell you how. But you know it is too, or else he would not be guilty. Yet there are no charges. Slick Willie has relied all his life on legal technicalities like "no evidence of wrongdoing" and "no charges," and this time is no different. But he will not escape justice forever, unless he does.

As George W, said the other day, "There's no - I don't have a calendar that says, 'Gosh, if he's not gotten by this certain moment, then I'll be disappointed.'" What could be clearer? I was going to go out and get a calendar and write "Gosh, if he's not gotten by this certain moment, then I'll be disappointed." on every single day and hang it on my locker at the bus station for him as a Xmas present, just to remind certain people of how wise our Great President is, but it would not fit. George W. must have very teeny tiny handwriting, which is a mark of jenius or something.

He is a great Xtian patriot and not a drunk, and so is his lovely wife, who only killed that one guy. You cannot prove that was murder. No wonder everyone loves him and will do anything he says, which is why no-one is complaining that he has locked up the White House to keep everyone out. They know he is not hiding because he is afraid, but only to be safe. Dick Cheney too, who is not hiding from Congress like the Enron executives. Stop saying that.

And whose blood was not boiling when they saw the Bin Laden videotape which you cannot prove is a fake? Mine was not, because Mr. Padnavatham wanted to watch Calling All Cooks instead. But still.

Mr. Padnavatham is still annoyed about his spatulas being missing, which Arjay told me I could take, so I did not argue. I still wanted to beat up an Arab or other swarthy immigrant, though, in the spirit of the holidays.

It is time you DemocRats and moderates stopped standing on the sidelines hypocritically backing our President while thinking criticism to yourselves, and got in the game, as they say. I was very excited to see our Homely Director of Security Tom Ridge is still issuing alerts left and right every day, only more so. Now I see he is going to be offering a system so we all can rank them from "ignore" to "panic." It is a great idea, and I immediately wrote to help on behalf of all the part time janitorial consultants at bus stations all around the country.

My idea was that Homely Director Ridge should keep on telling the country that we were on alert without knowing why, but that he should put different colored handkerchiefs in his coat pocket. Then we part time janitorial consultants could have the same colored handkerchiefs at each bus station and that way people would know to themselves whether to go on with their every day humdrum lives or get their assault rifles and head to the woods, while it would still be a secret to the enemy.

Wala! as the French say.

The only problem with that, which Secret Service Agent Brown pointed out when we had a long talk the other day, is that not everyone in America goes to bus stations week after week like he does. He seems very discouraged with all his extra responsibility. You would not believe it, but evidently at the same time I mailed my suggestion to Homely Director Ridge, some cowardly LIEberal sent him a death threat. Good thing I wrote "No anthrax!" on the envelope so Homely Director Ridge could tell the difference.

I am glad I am able to cheer up Secret Service Agent Brown and often he sits shaking his head in admiration after we have our talks. I told him I would keep working on a plan, and he laughed out loud in excitement.

Meanwhile whose heart did not stop a beat when they heard the terrible news that George W. had parts of his face cut off? I think years from today we will all remember exactly where we were when we finally heard the announcement that they had stopped covering it up. I was here. Where were you, not that I am suspicious?

I was going to ask Reverend Cloyd how a just and kind God, who made terrorists attack America to repay us for Gayo Americans and choice, could strike Rush Limbaugh deaf and make George W.'s face rot off, but he is not returning my phone calls since the church blew up, which was not my fault. And I know he was home but he would not answer the doorbell, either.

And did you see that Charles Swab gets taxpayer money for his duck hunting preserve? That is the Bush economic miracle in action, all right, and good for wholesome shooting sports too, which is the fundamental right of every American, and I am sure Charles Swab will let anyone at all hunt there. I would go myself if I still had my guns, which were confiscated by the local "police" just because a few streetlights were shot out in the defense of freedom. Charles Swab and I could be good friends, if he only knew it.

But not all is good news. Sadly, the constant drumstick of criticism and hysteria from so called ethical "scientists" and envirowhackos has worn down our great President. The other day, as I was cleaning out the trash cans, I found this story in the ultra-left wing whacko New York Times:

What a tragedy for America, and for the good patriotic Americans like me who have been eating ant paste all along in support of the Bush plan. Now I am out almost seven dollars, not counting the Ritz crackers, and for what? I am not bitter, though. I could be though, dammit. Now important research could be hamboned, and I do not get easy money, just for the "cause" of public safety and ethics.

The strange thing is, now that there is no money in it, I still have a craving for ant paste, which really did not taste that bad and had no real bad side effects you could prove. The dizzy spells and vomiting could come from anything, and you know it.

But it is Xmas, so let us not be filled with hatred and rage for the sick tree-hugging health nuts and eco-crazies who are working to destroy this great country and its oil companies.

Nor for Osama Bin Dasshole and his Democratic Talleyrand who is refusing to give us economic simulace by giving honest corporations like Enron a ten-year tax refund.

Nor for the ugly "civil rights" commission who are refusing to let George W. put only good black people on there who will not cause trouble or do anything.

Nor for the gun-grabbers who are attacking our good Attorney General because he is more concerned about protecting suspects' Second Amendment rights than in chasing down phony anthrax letters.

Nor for the inside the beltloops special interests who selfishly keep carping on the unemployed and the homeless instead of more tax cuts and subsidies for corporations.

Instead let us think about our national Xmas present, George W., who has given us a great war (which is not a failure and you cannot prove that) and this thriving economy, and a secret get-rid-of-Social-Security commission, and a secret energy commission, and a company-friendly Securities and Exchange Commission, and less civil liberties, and more secrecy, and fewer intrusive ecology and health rules, and powerful taxbreaks for honest hard-working people like Charles Swab and Ken Lay, all wrapped up in a big red bow. And I hope he will continue to do so for many years, even if his whole face rots off.

Bob Boudelang is a Patriotic American who wishes you a Merry Xmas, even if you are a Godless Democrap Socialist who ought to be shot for that unpatriotic "Peace on Earth" crap.

Read Bob's other rebuttals

Printer-friendly version
Tell a friend about this article Tell a friend about this article
Discuss this article