Democratic Underground

Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
"Hooray! Our Great President Bush Will Soon Have Us All Eating Pesticides For Money!"
November 30, 2001
by Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

In the interests of fairness and impartiality, we've decided that conservatives should have a voice on this website. So here he is - Bob Boudelang, American Patriot, with this week's rebuttal...

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Well, who can deny the great George W. express is now rolling down the tracks of history like an unstoppable force that will last a thousand years? Tomorrow belongs to us all right, and we are one people, one nation and one leader, to coin a phrase. Hail Bush, our great leader!

This would be the greatest country on earth except for that tiny minority of Democrap Socialists and Moderates who no one listens to but who continue to oppress us all with their constant blather about civil liberties and the Bill of Rights. Listen! I don't want any civil liberties, and I don't know anyone who does either. So let's stop that now, or else.

How George W. and his good friend John Ashcroft put up with this constant slander and reporting is beyond me. Just this week, a "columnist" reported that our great attorney general thinks calico cats are sent by the devil.

Well, so what? Can you prove they are not? It does not make him a dangerous crazy person so stop saying that. Yes, he is holding people in jail without charging them, and yes he will listen in to attorney-client discussions, and yes he will torture suspects, and yes he will hold secret trials with secret evidence, but how else is he going to protect America's basic freedoms? You keep forgetting this is a battle between civilization and savages, and that is why we are taking no prisoners and having massacres.

Another words, stop whining about those cluster bombs, as they are just to kill people over there, as Rumfilled said.

Here at home, Osama Bin Dasshole has shown again what an irresponsible madman he is by putting off the Senate vote on the energy bill and drilling in the Arctic Natural Wildlife Refuse. It is as if the terrorists have won.

What will happen with America's energy crisis, especially now that oil prices are down and there isn't a crisis? It is jeopardizing our national security and increasing our dependents on foreign oil not to use up all the oil we have here as quickly as we can. Doesn't he see that? Or is it that he does not care? He would rather have us mired in the nightmare of conservation.

Why do the Democrap Socialists hate our great energy companies and the miracle of capitalism so much? Look at nuclear power. How is the two parties dealing with the crisis of nuclear power?

Scare-mongers like SHrillary Klitoon are talking about the dangers of terrorists attacking our nuclear plants and want to make the Nuclear Regulatory Committee keep potassium iodide tablets just to prevent cancer. Meanwhile brave and freedom-defending Republicans like Joe Barton are renewing the bill that limits the liability of nuclear power plant owners to what it was in 1954. Which is the approach that is likely to give us more nukes, I ask you? Remember, the nuclear power industry has never had a serious accident if you ignore Three Mile Island and Chernobyl.

No wonder Americans are angry at the LIEberals and the Clintoons and their "so called" peace and prosperity. Thank goodness our great and decent president (who was only arrested and convicted twice and that was long ago so get over it) has ended that, although it is not his fault.

Why, just this week, a panel of economists agreed that the recession George W. told us we were in in December actually started in March. And who was ex-president at that time? I rest my case.

I think that I told you last time that I had lost my part time job at the airport stopping terrorist bombs and it had nothing to do with any thefts from luggage so stop saying that. You cannot prove I did not buy that leather coat and lose the receipt.

At any rate, I was somewhat blue at the thought that airline passengers would be prevented from relaxing due to my vigilance and watchfulness, and have to worry about government security instead. I have to say I was also worried because Mr. Padnavatham has just started letting me watch his television again, and without the extra job, he would have to be worrying about his rent again. He will not let me watch if I am not up-to-date, as he is mired in the heathen darkness of Hindu and black, although not like ordinary black people. I am as human as the next guy, if not more so.

And then I was emptying the trash cans at the bus station and I found this in the left wing extremist Los Angeles Times.

I was very happy to see this further evidence of the Bush economic miracle, and tore it right out of the paper to save. Who would guess that something to make money as easy as this would be available to ordinary people? I guess this shows Bush does not only do things for fat cat millionaires, so stop saying that! This is like the tax rebate earlier this year which would have given me $600 if I had paid taxes and been married. Hooray for George W! You will notice Slick Willie Klintoon did not let us eat pesticides for money.

That very day I went to the hardware store and bought a big can of ant paste. It had a funny texture but the taste was not so bad on a Ritz cracker once I got used to it. And despite the hysterical propaganda and fear-mongering of envirowhackos and DemocRATs, I was perfectly all right, once the dizziness and sweats had passed and the ringing in my ears went away.

What I realized on the second day was that the part of the news story I tore out did not say where I could go to get the money for eating the ant paste. It was typical slipshod left-wing yellow journalism of the worst stripe. When will Americans realize how the media deceives them like this and get rid of Dan Blather and Peter Jennings who is not even from this country?

I thought Secret Service Agent Brown might know but he did not. He was very excited too about what our great President had done. "You are eating insectasides for money?!?" he kept saying in a loud voice during one of the long talks we have almost every week. Then he shook his head in admiration.

It is about time someone like me ripped the lid off the so-called "environment" and the disgraceful tactics these tree-huggers and health nuts use to spread their gloomy message of clean air and clean water. These red bumps on my face and arms could be from anything, and you know it.

Meanwhile, I hope you left wing extremists feel guilty about the way you have destroyed the great Enron Corporation with your ugly price caps and "so called" regulations. You should all hang your heads in shame if you had any. Enron was doing great under the miracle of deregulation, despite the sniveling and wining about price gouging. Then along came the price caps which would never work, and wala! Well, if California voters were dumb enough to vote for people who put in deregulation, they deserved to pay for it. This is supposed to be the free market, not communist Sweden.

If Democraps like Dasshole had acted quickly, Enron would have had its income taxes refunded for ten years and be able to go on somehow. Instead, they are almost out of business instead. Now all their workers are out of work with just Socialist Security to depend on since their pensions are worthless. Of course it is too bad that Enron would not let the workers sell their stock at the same time the top executives did, but that was just a coincidence and could have happened to anyone.

If Enron doesn't tell us all that Social Security should be given to the stock market, nothing ever will.

Now poor Ken Lay is almost out of a job with only a few millions of dollars. Thank goodness he is not being taxed as he would have been under Slick Willy. There is even talk that the Securities and Exchange Commission will do something although I am sure George W. will not let that happen.

At least the Clintoons and their progress is gone and not a moment too soon. It is just a year since we narrowly escaped the fate of having more of it under Al Gore, who did not win since the votes were not counted, and what a lucky thing that was too. We owe a debt of gratitude to Jeb and Katherine Harris, who you cannot prove had anything to do with it.

Instead we are living in the golden days of today under our great and jenius leader George W. Bush. If I had told you on election day last year that a year from today which is now that this great country of ours would no longer be burdened with a surplus, and be digging out from under a terrorist attack, and getting rid of the ABM and germ warfare treaties, and keeping the Reagan papers secret, and helping the Northern All Lions massacre their enemies in Afghanistan, and seriously discussing refunding ten years worth of corporate income taxes, and holding secret trials and maybe torturing suspects, and getting ready to go after Saddam Hussane again, and eating insecticide for money, you would not have believed me. Sometimes the change makes me feel dizzy myself, although that may be the ant paste.

Bob Boudelang is a great American patriot and scientist who has to go lie down now for a while until the spasm stops. If anyone knows where you go to get the money for eating the ant paste, please call. Mr. Padnavatham will take the message. Don't mention the airport thing.

Read Bob's other rebuttals