Democratic Underground

Blog Box

October 28, 2005
Compiled by Delilah Boyd, A Scrivener's Lament

Bibbity Bobbity Blog! Blog Box Hallowe'en Edition

Are you obsessed with the Plamegate investigation? There are 10 telltale signs you might be. Have you printed out your Rove-O-Weenie mask yet? Now's your chance! Can you define Rove Rage and Fristianity? Better check the 2005 Beltway Dictionary. Are you qualified to replace the "Boy Genius?" It could be time to dust off that resumé...

Auguring Made Easy

For the latest blog posts (changing faster than Superman in a phone booth right now) on BushCo indictments, upcoming trials, Patrick Fitzgerald's expanded office space needs, the early demise of Harriet Miers' Supreme Court nomination, and the spirit of Republican spin yet to come, the easiest way to keep up today is to consult Technorati.com and type in any of the following search words: Rove, Plame; Fitzgerald; White House; or Politics. I'll bookmark the juicy ones and track the developments for next week's Blog Box.

Meanwhile, while we've been waiting for BushCo indictments to be announced, Democratic Veteran was burning the midnight oil (or a Bette Midler black-flame candle) crafting his wickedly wonderful 2005 Beltway Dictionary. A few entries:

Rove Rage: The act of being pissed off before you can be pissed on.

Miller-Culpa: Lying about lying to make previous lying seem less substantial.

Scootering: Taking a grudge as far as constitutionally possible, and then just a little farther.

Kellerism: Claiming to have been blindsided by an event only a blind man could not have seen. See also: Miller-Culpa.

Fristianity: Making a religion of deliberate analytical errors, induced by presidential aspirations and a desire to be Dobsoned.

Delayed: Just fucked.

Exspecterate: To orally reject an unqualified Supreme Court nominee by a president of your own party.

Condying: Never being held responsible for anything. And making sure your husband isn't either.

Also bookmark and printout worthy is Think Progress's excellent post, "Right-Wing Myths About The Leak Investigation," nine frighteningly stupid wingnut claims - deftly vivisected with those pesky little things called facts.

Rove-O-Weenie

Too many BushCo Hallowe'en mask choices (posted on my blog A Scrivener's Lament) and not enough heads? Be sure to thank Virginia at I Love Karl Rove (Don't be bewitched by the blog title!) for the Rove-O-Weenie mask, suitable for wearing while robbing small children of their Hallowe'en candy. Virginia has a life-size PDF printable version available.

Speaking of Rove, can The Emperor Worm be replaced? Craig's List's DC job board has published an ad (by an anonymous poster, of course) for Karl Rove's replacement:

Excellent career opportunity!!!

Seeking Deputy White House Chief of Staff to take over all United States domestic affairs! Run the entire country from your office in the West Wing. Direct and instruct POTUS, CIA, and top journalists (NYT, Time, etc.) on all issues of national importance.

You must have excellent contacts with evangelical Christians, NASCAR fans, true patriots, and angry white males. You are equally friendly with billionaire corporate raiders, oil barons, and godless capitalists.

The ideal candidate is very comfortable speaking exclusively on "deep background" and avoiding public appearances. You are the kind of person who does not have to say anything publicly - you make journalists, folks at town hall meetings, and American troops say it for you.

Note: We will only consider applicants with a flair for dramatic and patriotic settings, including but not limited to aircraft carriers, Mount Rushmore, Ground Zero, rustic ranches, and well lit statues (Liberty, Andrew Jackson, etc.). Need to be skilled at supervising POTUS bike rides, brush clearing, video conferences, and segway rides.

Experience with push polling and direct mail a plus.

Job may start as soon as NEXT WEEK!!!! Maybe even sooner. Please send your resume and references to president@whitehouse.gov, with "Boy Genius" in the subject line.

Meow!

What better time for a cat fight than Hallowe'en week? The Peking Duck is my latest temporal New York Times Select backdoor find, and the reader comments posted after Maureen Dowd's aim-for-the-eyeballs column, which clawed at Judith Miller's shallow-as-a-saucer-of-milk behavior, are priceless. Click fast, though. The link is apt to disappear in a puff of smoke, and no amount of spellcasting will likely resurrect it.

I'm not one to add insult to injury, but I'll make an exception just this once: I would be remiss not to mention Frank Pitz's excellent post, "Judith Miller: Centerfold for the presstitutes" at Online Journal.

Toil and Trouble

Former paper of record the New York Times might as well catch the ten o'clock broom to oblivion, because The Huffington Post has become the must-read of the day.

Jeff Cohen's "Weaponsgate Is a Media Scandal" slices and dices what he astutely calls "elite journalism." Bruce Kluger lights our path through "The Da Libby Code" in a post worthy of Brother Cadfael and/or Dan Brown. Also this week, beloved Rep. John Conyers lays out the "Pre-Emptive War Against Patrick Fitzgerald," and Alec Baldwin asks, "Why are contemporary Republicans so full of shit?" in his post, "What Happened to the Party of Lincoln?"

Also experiencing a major growth in popularity is Josh Marshall's Talking Points Memo and his group blog TPMCafe. For example, Paul Begala's TPMCafe post, "What It's Like," explains how it feels to be on the receiving end of an investigation. (In the Clintons' case, make that endless investigations and no convictions.) The blog's gone big time, folks. Devilishly delightful development!

Another wonder of wonders - Facing South exposes the latest Sixth-Sense-BushCo-Loving scam suddenly permeating newspaper editorials. Republican Astroturf: it's not just for letter writers anymore...

What do this newspaper editorial, this one, this one, and this one all have in common?

All of them are unsigned editorials, which makes it look like they're original opinion pieces for each paper. (The Colorado Springs Gazette even says it's "our view.")

Where's that headless horseman when you need him? At the very least, these modern day Ichabods need a little good clean Brom Bones whup-ass action!

From Ghosties And Ghoulies...

And you thought your childhood neighbors were scary on Hallowe'en? Andy Singer, at So May It Secretly Begin has posted his definitive nightmare on GOP Street...

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

DUer bklyncowgirl's magic mirror post made me face the reflection of my own evil twin as I read her 10 Signs that you are WAY too obsessed with Plamegate:

1. You agonize in public and online that it shouldn't be called Plamegate. Unfortunately people have not caught on to your choice which happens to be Traitors Gate. You complain that they just don't get the nuances.

2. You are in the process of putting together your very own timetable of who did what when just in case you catch something that Fitzgerald missed.

3. Your first thought in the morning is to get to your computer to see if anything happened while you were sleeping. Alright maybe you make coffee first, but that's while the computer is booting up.

4. You have Fitzgerald's web page bookmarked. Moreover you have personally analyzed the html code in this website for hidden clues to what he is going to do even though your knowledge of html is cursory at best.

5. While walking through the liquor store, you have a powerful urge to buy a bottle of champagne. You decide not to buy it because you don't want to jinx the case like you did back on election day. You are convinced that Kerry lost because of your lousy bottle of Korbel brut.

6. Your family changes the subject whenever you launch excitedly into the latest developments. Your spouse has lately been browsing mental health and deprogramming websites.

7. You have recurring fantasies involving Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, a roll of duct tape and a 300 pound tattooed lifer named Bubba. These are not pleasant to have near mealtime.

8. You flip through the news channels thinking "Why the hell are they so obsessed with this hurricane crap? I want to hear what Cheney said to Libby, Goddamnit."

9. You almost post an update of a list of employees and titles to your employer's website that includes the name George W. Bush and the title Unindicted Co-conspirator.

10. You have been caught walking out of your place of employment humming "It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas" or is it Fitzmas?

Bone chilling, bklyncowgirl! Have you been spying on me? If not, I bow before your powers of observation!

Blog Box Correction

Just put me in the iron maiden and slam the door. Last week I cited ActBlue as the site dedicated to exposing that putrid piece of mutilated monkey meat known as Rep. Richard Pombo. ActBlue had actually linked to fearless Pombo fighter Matt at Say No To Pombo. This week, Matt shares some of what he's learned so far in his struggle to rid the country of Pomboism:

Link roundup: What I have learned about Richard Pombo in the last couple of days.

His Grandma Pombo taught him how to tell a good story. Too bad she didn't teach him how to tell the truth.

He's always looking for a way to "deflower" the virgin wilderness.

For him, "sustainable boating" is all about how to sustain your speed when you run over a manatee with your boat.

(I also decided that Pombo kind of resembles a manatee. Or is it just me? Must be the mustache…)

Click on over to Say No To Pombo and learn how Matt handles anti-Pombo fundraising, campaign investigations, and exposing Pombo's ties to Tom DeLay. Faust would sell his soul to possess this man's courage and tenacity. If you're trying to rid your district of a pesky Republican menace, he might be willing to take you on as an apprentice. Kudos, Matt!

More Blog Box Kudos

To Steve Clemmons at The Washington Note. Not only has Steve's reporting on BushCo's desperate hole digging (you know the adage: the deeper you dig, the harder it is to see daylight), The Australian has published his opinion piece on Brent Scowcroft's scathing attack on the Bush administration. I'd warn Steve to beware small planes and seemingly random car/pedestrian accidents, but it's already too late. By the way, Steve is sure that the driver wasn't aiming at him.

FYI: Fitzmastide, now slated to run through most of 2006 (and hopefully straight through the November mid-term elections), could easily surpass Festivus as my favorite Alternative-To-Republican-Fascism-Lifestyle holiday. Send me your Fitzmas celebration and gift ideas, and we'll put Fitzmas on the map calendar, where it rightfully belongs.

Happy Hallowe'en, and just say no to Republican tricks. Instead, demand decent Democratic treats - and I'm not just talking about full-size Hershey bars, damn it!

Know a hot blog that needs some coverage? Send your recommendations to Delilah.

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