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September 23, 2005
Compiled by Delilah Boyd, A Scrivener's Lament

Bush-Be-Gone Bonanza

Presstitutes, Satan's toy dinosaurs, felonious cronies, and Bumvertising™ - oh, my! This week, bloggers held cable news anchors' feet to the fire, leaked Karl Rove's "off the record" remarks, and resurrected Jefferson's "divide the counties into wards" idea. Even right-wing bloggers weren't exactly happy with their chosen ones, either.

From Media Whore To Presstitute

Once upon a time, there was mediawhoresonline.com. Now, there's Presstitutes, a daily dose of presstitution with a twist: Presstitutes will pay you if they post your contributions of BushCo media whoredom. Here's a sample post:

Miles O'Brien Has Balls - When It Comes To Attacking New Orleans Mayor

O'Brien is a loyal Bush-propping Pre$titute, but he discovers his inner journalist when it comes to bashing New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin on CNN's American Morning: "This is a time of crisis and you have to expect more from your leaders." Imagine O'Brien saying that about his master? Not in this lifetime.

Get a PayPal account, check out Presstitutes, and alert them when you witness obvious examples of BushCo-media circle jerking.

Indoctrination Nation

For insight into the genesis of skepticism, Matt at Pooflingers Anonymous shares his own fundie faith-based grade school experiences with his fundie teachers and their asinine fundie answers to his dinosaur questions. The first time Matt asked a teacher about dinosaur fossils, this was the answer: "Fossils are a trick of Satan," he said, without even a hint of irony. "Dinosaurs never existed." Later, when Matt asked the same question, another teacher replied, "Dinosaurs were made by Satan," she said. "God killed them all in The Flood because they were evil."

Of course, Matt knew that dinosaurs weren't mentioned in the Bible. Eventually, Matt slew the Fascist Fundie teachers with his fourth grade wit and wisdom (you really have to read how he did it). Many a fundie teacher surely muttered "smartass" every time they checked the roll and Matt was present.

Hey, did you hear the one about the FEMA Fundies? Johnson City Forum, a team blog, tells the tale of the mortician who almost walked away from body recovery efforts because FEMA insisted on praying over each corpse discovered in Hurricane Katrina's aftermath before continuing the search for others:

FEMA holds up recovery of THE DEAD - insists bodies are PRAYED OVER

In the most macabre mishap, the chief body collector nearly pulled out of New Orleans over a dispute with FEMA. Kenyon Worldwide Disaster Services dispatched a small team and a mobile morgue to New Orleans as Katrina hit. With the death toll rising, Kenyon offered more staff and morgues if FEMA could broker a deal with Louisiana.

But FEMA and the company argued for two weeks until Kenyon finally gave the Feds an ultimatum: Work out a deal or find a new mortician.

The issue raised by the Feds that Kenyon found distasteful: an instruction that chaplains bless recovered bodies. A company source said the Feds are insisting on this, and the first chaplains are supposed to go out this week. Asked if that was mixing church and state, a FEMA spokeswoman responded: "A prayer is not necessarily religious. Everybody prays."

A prayer is not religious? Everybody prays? Here's where I just have to add: "'and dinosaurs aren't real,' muttered the FEMA spokeswoman." Can it get any weirder than this? If it concerns Republicans, of course it can.

At least one right-wing blogger is sick of science bashers. The Politburo Diktat has penned (or keyboarded) "The Wedgie Document," the rational person's answer to the fundies' "Wedge Document." Politburo Diktat writes:

The purpose of The Wedgie Document is very specific: to provide rational people (defenders of science, evilutionists, whatever) with guidance in presenting persuasive arguments in internet debates. Someone once observed that 90% of the people reading these debates have their minds made up. It's the other 10% of potentially open-minded readers that this document will help you address.

Thanks, Politburo Diktat! Most of us have been relying upon the old "using science to disprove science makes you look really stupid" response.

Felonious Safavian Follies

Ellen Miller, posting at TPM Cafe, asks the million dollar question:

If Safavian knew that Abramoff personally was paying the bill, how is it that Rep. Ney was duped, as he claims?

(David) Safavian's emails also highlight another problem. How is it that Bob Ney thought the National Center for Public Policy Research was paying for the trip when Safavian made no mention of the center in his emails seeking permission to take the trip?

Bob Ney lied.

By the way, David Safavian was the Bush administration's procurement chief UNTIL LAST FRIDAY, for cryin' out loud. Did you notice how the corporate-owned media referred to him this week as "a former Bush administration official?" For the record, Daily Kos has started a dkosopedia file on Safavian, who might as well be Grover Norquist's conjoined twin. Oh, and...

Karl Rove Is Still A Traitor!

The Huffington Post posted the list of crappy-assed Karl Rove comments spewed during his weekend in Aspen (while New Orleans continued to drown, and HE was in charge):

On Katrina: The only mistake we made with Katrina was not overriding the local government...

On The Anti-War Movement: Cindy Sheehan is a clown. There is no real anti-war movement. No serious politician, with anything to do with anything, would show his face at an anti-war rally...

On Bush's Low Poll Numbers: We have not been good at explaining the success in Iraq. Polls go up and down and don't mean anything...

On Iraq: There has been a big difference in the region. Iraq will transform the Middle East...

On Judy Miller And Plamegate: Judy Miller is in jail for reasons I don't really understand...

On Joe Wilson: Joe Wilson and I attend the same church but Joe goes to the wacky mass...

Also posted is the short list of movers and shakers in attendance. Hmm. I wonder which one(s) dropped a dime on Turd Blossom. One name screams, "It's payback time, BushCo!" Guess which one.

Adding to this week's Rove Report, The Gadflyer notes: "And, does anyone take seriously Bush's vows to erase the legacy of poverty, racism and inequality in the reconstruction of New Orleans? Putting Rove in charge of that operation sure sends the right signal about the President's priorities. "

Mission Speechifyin' Not Accomplished

Synaptic Junction says it best:

Lights, camera, empathy! The Bush administration has gone to great lengths and great expense to create just the right image... from the "magic hour light" Mission Accomplished speech aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln to hiring a small floatilla of barges with floodlights to illuminate the Statue of Liberty, to sticking his head on Mount Rushmore. It seems a bit absurd, however, to spend a huge amount of money to bring in lighting crews and massive theatrical floodlights to bathe a building blue in the middle of a humanitarian crisis. They even took the time to reset the clocktower back to the correct time. Why didn't they just use the building's existing white lights instead? Did they need the lights to match the president's shirt? Note that his sleeves are rolled up and his collar is unbuttoned. It sure is hard work rebuilding New Orleans, isn't it?

Found On One Of George W.'s Internets

Is this real?

Having been fooled more than once by fark.com, I'm asking readers for confirmation of this post from bumvertising.com:


Bumvertising™

Bumvertising™, or the use of sign holding vagrants to advertise, is a development of PokerFaceBook.com's most recent advertising campaign. Homeless men are able to provide a valuable and tangible service to a company, while receiving an additional revenue stream in combination with their normal donations from begging.

This reminds me of the depression-era socialites' scavenger hunt for a forgotten man in My Man Godfrey. Of course, one step above Bumvertising would be George W.'s most recent photo-op. That's right, folks! The BushCo banner is back! Photoshopping may now commence!

Bush Be Gone!

I've recently become a big fan of Stevie Magruder (Nexus Stevie), who has crafted a scathingly brilliant Bush-Be-Gone Index to measure the public's "should he stay or should he go" mood. The index is based on a simple web search using the same five phrases. Check it out.

By the way, Stevie has written a fan letter to Cindy Sheehan, which is both poignant and Bush-butt-kicking. Way to go, Stevie!

The Jefferson Plan

How do we beat the right-wingnuts? Easy. Joe Costello at Of By And For tells us to recreate the ward system.

In the last decades of his life, Jefferson's final political theme was, "divide the counties into wards."

--snip--

How do we renew self-government in the 21st century?

We can start at the beginning of the 21st century by looking at each individual and asking what do (sic) each of them need in order to be healthy participants in self-government. We know they need food, shelter, health care, and education. But also, what is their role as citizen?

Wards work sort of like Neighborhood Watch, without that "fascist busy bodies with flashlights searching for signs of stranger-danger minorities" thing that defines most suburban neighborhood attempts to involve citizens. (Not exactly what Jefferson had in mind.) But then again, Jefferson never envisioned a corporate-owned press, extensive voter intimidation and fraud, or an administration so completely out of touch that the president had to watch a DVD to find out that the city of New Orleans had been destroyed several days earlier.

Returning to the ward system is an interesting idea. At least we'd know which neighbors are committed to community involvement and promoting the general welfare. And we'd know their political party affiliation, too. Maybe bloggers will run with this idea and blog the strengths and needs of their ward neighbors. It worked once without the Internet. Why not again with the help of bloggers?

Know a hot blog that needs some coverage? Send your recommendations to Delilah.

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