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June 10, 2005
Compiled by Delilah Boyd, A Scrivener's Lament

Time To Kick The Messenger!

What do George W.'s poll numbers sound like to him when they drop? Do they splat? Do they kerpop? Or do they just plain plop like big ol' balls of elephant dung? Gee, wouldn't it be Beaver Cleaver Swell if George W. were really in charge? Then those plopping dung balls might mean something, and we could hold George W. accountable for his Fuckupalooza Tour.

Unlike Nixon, who earned his low approval ratings through dastardly deeds and dirty tricks, George W.'s plopping approval rating is based on the actions of his party's flying monkeys and his own role as the official BushCo "disassembler" (I had to work that goodie in somehow), spokesperson, cheerleader, and - my personal favorite - messenger.

Taegan Goddard's Political Wire cited the WaPo-ABC poll this week and noted that 68% of Independents disagree with the president's priorities. Ouch! Meanwhile, David Remer at PoliWatch asked, "Does Bush Need Glasses or a Brain Transplant?"

President Bush this last week stated Social Security Privatization must come to pass. He also said he sees progress in the war on terrorism. And for all his criticism of activist judges, he pledges to Congress to consult with them on judicial nominees but litmus tests will remain in his selections. So, is he going blind or is it brain atrophy in need of a transplant?

Jill, of Brilliant at Breakfast fame, mused:

I wonder if the MSM have retired the "popular president" phrase yet?

Here's some food for thought: George W. Bush's approval rating is now a full twenty points lower than Bill Clinton's was on the day he was impeached.

Yikes! That's gotta smart, even if you're just the messenger. Alas, George W. obviously has no idea how bad things are in this country right now. Truth be known, he probably doesn't give a shit - er, dung ball.

Newsweek's Revenge

It's also obvious that someone has dropped a dime or two on the Pentagon. Otherwise, we wouldn't have learned about self-guided urine, Qu'ran stomping, or water balloon correctional techniques. In episode three of "Newsweek's Revenge," had this to say:

The Muslim world is right to be outraged by this, just like the Christians would be if the roles were reversed. But it should be pointed out that twenty total cases of Quran desecration were documented in this report, and fifteen were alleged to have been committed by detainees themselves.

Having a hard time believing the Pentagon's magic number 20? Me, too. First, the Pentagon said it never happened. Then, they blamed a few bad apples but denied flushing. Finally, they pulled the number 20 out of their asses, but they're only taking (sort of) responsibility for five? Get real, Rummy! Blaming three-quarters of the desecrations on urine-soaked detainees seems a bit whacked, don't you think? On my blog, A Scrivener's Lament, I addressed The Physics Of Guilty Urine this week, and I even found an MIT study (with pictures) on the subject.

Knick Knack Paddy Whack

Need to toss Tony Blair a bone without spending a dime? How about voicing support for climate change awareness? Uh-oh. If you're George W. Corporate Pollution Enabler, "just fix the facts" has been your administration's prime directive to everyone around you, including your very own Council on Environmental Quality guy. So, now what do you do?

To appease Blair, George W. suddenly decided this week (during that enlightening press conference) that he needed more info on environmental issues: "We want to know more about it. It's easier to solve a problem when you know a lot about it."

Shortly thereafter, LightUpTheDarkness posted:

He (George W.) better inform Philip Cooney of the White House Council on Environmental Quality. While Mr. Bush says he's interested in knowing a lot about climate change, Mr. Cooney is altering the research that millions of tax dollars have been spent developing.

The Reality Base added a few choice words about those pesky Downing Street Minutes and The Bush & Blair Show's classic non-denial-denial stand-up routine:

At a White House press conference today, George Bush and Tony Blair tried to cast doubt on the Downing Street Memo by stating that it was written before they went to the United Nations and pressed for the creation of a multinational coalition against Iraq, as if that meant something. In the run-up to war George Bush stated repeatedly and publicly that he was going to invade Iraq with or without the United Nations' approval or help. He declared so on January 28th, 2003 during his State of the Union address. He made the same threat again on March 6, 2003. Yet we are now to believe that his plan to invade Iraq with or without the U.N.'s approval wasn't made eight months in advance, as the DSM states? That's pretty hard to swallow.

Bless The Beasts And The Whistleblowers!

Lean Left took a nice bite out of Peggy Noonan's lily white and extremely tight Freeper ass after she vivisected 91-year-old Mark Felt in print. Here's Lean Left's translation (from the Noonan-Reality dictionary, I presume):

By exposing a corrupt administration for what it was, Mark Felt is directly responsible for Vietnam, Pol Pot, genocide, and the Red Scare! If that dirty, selfish, underhanded bastard Felt had only kept his yap shut, Vietnam would have been a resounding victory for the United States, we never would have heard of Pol Pot, there never would have been any genocide anywhere, and best of all, the Soviets would have given up, gone home, and China would be a beacon of Democracy by now.

Revise history much, Nooner? Pretty soon, you'll deny you ever worked for Enron, you brazen five-letter word beginning with B.

Speaking of brazen, but in a good way, Chicago H. S. student and brazen blogger Gregory Pratt, at the Office Of The Independent Blogger, wrote to Lucianne Goldberg recently:

People complain that Linda Tripp, a friend of yours with whom you conspired to get a book deal with on the sex scandal, is not considered the hero she should be. Could you explain to me what public service you guys did by exposing the President's sex life with a willing girl (She was a college grad, Greg. "Girl" was a notorious rightwing talking point - Delilah) and by humiliating both of them by telling their secrets? Correct me if I'm wrong on any of these details, please

And could you tell me how exposing consensual oral sex and mutual masturbation equals, in any way shape or form, what Deep Throat did to Richard Nixon? If you could get Linda Tripp's thoughts on this, too, I'd be very thankful.

What do you know? Lucianne actually replied to Greg's email. Check out Office Of The Independent Blogger and send him some feedback.

Funny Freepers

OK. I lied about the funny part. Freepers always think they're funny, but they're not. Rob, at Rob's Blog , believes he's found the right's answer to Jesus' General. Rob also believes that the answer, Blame Bush, is funny. I respectfully disagree. Here's a Blame Bush snippet from a post on the George W. Supreme Court medical marijuana ruling. Judge for yourself.

As an American with a disability, I also took the news pretty hard. When I became disoriented by a strobe light and fell off my beanbag chair, severely injuring my back, I searched high and low for a doctor who would prescribe the incredibly large amounts of medicinal marijuana needed to ease my unbearable pain.

Sorry, Blame Bush. Banana peels are funny. Dying in excruciating pain isn't, as you might well find out someday. Then you'll change your freepin' mind about medical marijuana faster than a Blue State (New York) minute!

Jesus' General is the product of, well, pure genius. Blame Bush is the product of... well, I don't know what that guy's deal is, but it's only funny in a creepy DeNiro "King Of Comedy" kind of way. Besides, Blame Bush would never fool anyone into believing his posts were authored by a liberal.


From Jesus' General:

Baptists love the General

I've been at the top of the Baptist 1000 since I signed up last week. I've even received a few inquiries about advertising on Jesus' General. I guess they know a godly site when they see it.

Freepers are only funny when they're trying to be serious. For example, Freepers love polls when they're skewed in George W.'s favor, but watch what happens when pollster Robert Moran (yep, that's his name!) has to explain this week's dung ball plops. (Warning! This is from PowerLine Blog):

Please keep in mind that most media produced polls are not very good, are done by the lowest bidder in the cheapest possible way, and are generally biased in their wording and flow. The best polling is the polling done for private clients that is never released, because this polling is done to find where voters really are and to make campaign decisions, not advocate a position or add juice to a story.

That it (sic) consistent with our experience; we sometimes have access to polling done by campaigns, and it always turns out to be more reliable than newspaper polls.

Now that's funny... in a sick and twisted "how pathetic can Freepers possibly be?" sort of way.

More Funny Liberals

DC blogger Dante requests your pictorial submissions at his site, Entrances To Hell, and he shares his Fascist Fundie hate mail:

This delightful note just wandered in, borne on the warm breezy love of Jesus that blows down in South Texas...

> From: John G. (last name deleted)
> Subject:
> Date: June 6, 2005 9:37:02 PM GMT-04:00
> To:
> Reply-To: (e-mail deleted, 'cause I'm such a fucking prince)

> > u are a stoner. i think u are a fag u should goto hell....LITERALLY
> dont email me back or i will call the feds.


> > Signed,
> Devil hater of god


Somehow I don't think John G. meant to sign his name as "Devil hater of god" - or give us his real name and e-mail address when they were so easy to Google.

Thanks for sharing, Dante!

DU caption queen Stephanie posted this Associated Press pic in the General Discussion forum this week and added, "Some pills make you smaller."

Way to go, Stephanie!

It's Way Past Time To Kick The Messenger

Shakespeare taught us not to kick the messenger (Antony and Cleopatra, Act II). After all, it wasn't the messenger's fault. How fortunate for The Bard that he never had to experience George W. Bush! And how deliciously unfortunate for George W. Bush that his base spends a hell of a lot more time trying to ban Shakespeare's works than actually reading them.

Think about it. It wasn't just Dems responding to those poll questions. Even if it took the Backside Of The Bell Curve five years, at least they're finally beginning to see the light.

I know it's not nice to kick someone when he's down, but damn! Republicans kick, kick some more, and keep on kicking till the cows come home. In my opinion, it's way past time to kick back!

Know a hot blog that needs some coverage? Send your recommendations to Delilah.

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