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April 29, 2005
Compiled by Delilah Boyd, A Scrivener's Lament

Fractured Fairy Tales

For right-wingers, this should be the best of times: their fairy tale dreams of establishing One Nation Under A Narrowly-Specified Religious Interpretation Of The God Of Abraham, completely destroying both The New Deal and The Great Society, and living happily ever after in a country governed by a single political party are well under way.

They've installed a witless cheerleader (be sure to scroll down that page for the seriously funny stuff!) in the White House, whose mind is a total blank until they point him in the direction of the teleprompter's carefully-scripted right-wing talking points. They've rewritten rules to suit their ethics-challenged situations. Best of all, they've created so much havoc, both nationally and globally, that the revelation of a Republican gay hooker/fake journalist roaming freely in and out of (no pun intended) the White House barely rates a mainstream media mention.

So why are Republicans still so unhappy? To them, it's also the worst of times: Take a hike, Veruka Salt! They want it all. And I mean ALL. Fortunately, they're having trouble convincing even their own supporters that their path to Happily Ever After isn't thorny, and their tactics aren't bordering on Deliverance-style banjo-picking instead of glass-slipper glamour. Consequently, this has been a week of BushCo Fractured Fairy Tales.

Chapter One: George W. And The Tanking Approval Ratings

Blogging for the right, The American Thinker blames the Republican penchant for backing down as the reason for George W. Bismark's sinking poll numbers. Meanwhile, those Elmer Fudd Wannabees at Blogs For Bush celebrate their weakly weekly Wictory Wednesday (I'm not making this up!) by begging bloggers to "support an important Republican campaign." This week, it's the destruction of the filibuster, of course.

Chapter Two: Justice Sunday Holy Rollers Meet The Critics

Civil Commotion - not exactly a left-of-the-dial blogger - gives us the good ("This was a slickly-produced show"), the bad (almost everything else about the whole thing), and the ugly ("Perkins' best line, repeated every few minutes, was '...and if you don't know who your Senator is, just call the Senate Switchboard at...'"). Civil Commotion strongly recommends viewing this (cough) show (available for the low, low price of $15) and studying it if you want your message to brainwash reach large numbers of people effectively.

Conversely, Chuck Currie reviews Just Us Sunday with the watchful eye of a United Church Of Christ seminary student:

No one who opposes the president should be accused of not being religious simply because they do not share his view of policy - or theology. Those who sponsored "Justice Sunday" will be remembered for dividing our nation on religious lines in an unprecedented manner. That will be their lasting legacy.

Chapter Three: Billy Goat Frist And The Curiously Clever Poker Player

As a native Texan, I recognize a hand of Texas Hold 'Em when I see one, and Senator Harry Reid showed absolutely no tells whatsoever when he offered Frist The Cat Killer an olive branch this week. Naturally, Frist folded like a cheap accordion, shook his Snidely Whiplash fist, vowed to ram every radical right-wing activist judge down America's throat, and walked away from the table.

Here's the funniest part - the game ended with even more BushCo supporters wondering why their guys are acting so mean. Hint: Just because you're a Mormon doesn't mean you're not a poker-savvy politician.

Pejmanesque claims that Republicans were "outgunned in the rhetorical debate over the filibuster issue," and Al Franken quotes Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-NV, on a conference call with bloggers:

"They're great with names… On Social Security, they've been trying to call private accounts 'personal accounts.' They can talk about the constitutional option all they want. It's privatization, and it's the nuclear option. They created thse (sic) terms, and they're going to wear them around their necks from now till Doomsday."

For more on Senator Reid's conference call with bloggers, check out Talk Left and MyDD. By the way, Josh Marshall has cataloged numerous references to Trent Lott coining the phrase, "Nuclear Option." Did you hear that giant cracking sound? Even right-wing bloggers like QandO are embarrassed by Lott:

Someone in Washington just needs to slap Trent Lott for ever calling this the "Nuclear Option." Can we all agree that Trent Lott shouldn't be allowed to name things anymore? In fact, there should be a checklist of things Trent Lott can no longer do, and right at the top, it should say "Name things," right above where it says "Talk about the Segregation Era."

Chapter Four: Cindersleezza

In a post called "Lies, Damned Lies, and Condoleezza Rice," The Stinking Desert (whose blog name, I hope, is an homage to Firesign Theater's "Temporarily Humboldt County"), asks the question: is there a reality distortion field that pervades the Bush regime? Seems so, as the BBC passes on:

Data withheld from an annual report on terrorism by the US state department show a sharp increase in attacks in 2004, a top Democratic lawmaker says. Henry Waxman, citing official briefings given to congressional aides, said the number of "significant" attacks had risen more than three-fold in a year. [...] In June 2004 the department was forced to double its original estimate of terror victims in the previous year. It said 625 people had been killed in attacks worldwide in 2003 - not 307 as stated in the annual Patterns of Global Terrorism report published two months earlier.

Poor Cindersleezza! No prince (he's married to Laura), no glass slipper (most photographers zero in on her Olive Oyl head), and no cuddly white mice (the corporate media never reports on Dr. Rice's home life).

Chapter Five: The Prince And The Pea Brain

This week, DUers took a snicker break as George W. Bush Texas Two-stepped, hand-in-hand, with Saudi Prince Abdullah through the bluebonnets. Once upon a time, President ManDate promised to "jawbone the Saudis" if gasoline prices rose. Mark Adams' archived post "Scare Tactics? Feh!" recorded that quote for posterity:

The(y) said the(y) would institute a more "humble" foreign policy except if gas prices got too high in which case they would "jawbone" the Saudis to get the prices back down.

Blue Collar explains that whole "George W. Pretends To Have A New Energy Plan" thing:

"...let's let Prince Bandar [Bush] rip us off, let's build unsafe nuclear power plants [that insurance companies won't touch, so Bush proposes that the taxpayer pay for any disasters and hold the nuclear industry harmless - which sure won't do much to make GE worry about the future safety of their nuke plants], let's lower clean air and clean water standards and let's build more refineries. Osama can go on vacation; we'll be wiping ourselves out!"

Be sure to check out the entire post, "Penny Wise, But Pound Foolish?" Blue Collar lists five important reasons why situating refineries on closed military bases is a truly terrible idea. Meanwhile...

Chapter Six: Tom, Tom The Thumbsucking Son Of A...

Republicans brazenly changed the Ethics Committee rules to protect poor Tom from being further admonished for his dastardly deeds. Ironically, as long as Dems refuse to accept the changes Republicans can't use the Ethics Committee to clear Tom of his dastardly deeds, more and more of which are crawling out of the Bugman's woodwork even as I type.

Jude Noise Blog posts the best graphic to describe Dunkin Denny's retreat and synthesizes the situation quite succinctly: "The Right Wing still doesn't get it. We don't want DeLay to be censured, or to step down - we want him arrested."

Thought Mechanics adds: "This marks the second time that a Republican-made change to the ethics process has been rescinded for being unethical. The other was the creation of the 'Delay rule,' which would have allowed an indicted leader to maintain his position."

Chapter Seven: Winkin' Bolton And Blogs

Dialog International credits blogger Steve Clemons with blocking Bolton's nomination thus far. "His blog, The Washington Note, has served as a clearing house for information on Bolton, and has been a safe haven for honest and dedicated people in the State Department to come forward with the truth about Bolton and other neocons. Steve is fulfilling the role that the free press used to play in our country."

War and Piece adds, "If they can't win playing by the rules, then their next move is ... to change the rules. Still a fairly astonishing loss of face with a ruling party majority in both committee and the floor, one that will be noted at the UN and around the world and erode Bolton's legitimacy should he get there, as well as the Bush administration's." Even sweeter is Charging Rino's Bumiller blast:

Elizabeth Bumiller writes the somewhat expected piece beginning, "Republicans close to the West Wing acknowledged that a rejection of Mr. Bolton would be politically damaging for President Bush." Bumiller reports that Cheney and Karl Rove are "playing a central and aggressive role in trying to salvage Mr. Bolton's prospects," both making phone calls and having meetings with various actors in the Bolton melodrama. Typical for Bush & Co., who as you'll recall are incapable of error: "Republicans close to the administration also said that a powerful motive for the White House was simply showing strength and an unwillingness to back down, particularly after Colin L. Powell, the former secretary of state who often warred with the hawks, expressed private doubts to Republican senators last week about Mr. Bolton. 'It would mean that Colin Powell had influence to block someone...'"

Epilogue

Pro-war.com (Don't judge the blog by its title!) brings us George W.'s heartwarming memory of Splash Day in Galveston:

Splash Day once marked the end of school and the beginning of summertime fun. The city backed off from it many years ago when it turned a little too wild, says Christy Benson of the Galveston Chamber of Commerce. It later became a party day for gays and lesbians. Drawing another round of laughter, Bush said: "I'm not saying whether I came or not on Splash Day..."

Pro-war ends with a simple prayer: "Please, dear God, let there be videotape."

The moral of today's Fractured Fairy Tales: Mission F&#king Not Accomplished! Keep 'em on the run, DUers!

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