Ask Auntie Pinko
October 23, 2003

Dear Auntie Pinko,

I'm a county prosecutor in Northern California. My chosen area is prosecuting those who harm women and children. My problem is that I'm horrified by the government that I represent and the juries I have to present cases to. While my disdain for the current executive branch should be self-explanatory, the dislike I feel generally for American jurors stems more from an observation that there's a certain substantial percentage of the American population that are cowardly, lazy and selfish. There's one other problem, it's almost like I have Tourette's syndrome when it comes to telling it like I see it.

While I truly believe in the truth of the cases that I take to trial and that kids need to be protected, I'm also wary of the methods of the government that I professionally represent which I am frequently repelled by these days. I also am viewed with some suspicion in my office for my outspoken views on, most notably, the stupidity of marijuana prosecution, the Republicans in control of my state and country, the rise of fascism in particular and the deceit involved in the attempted theft of Iraq.

I really feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Obviously, I don't fit in politically with my peers yet I'm doing work that I think needs doing by somebody with a heart. I'm real suspicious myself of the jurors that I have to appeal to and motivate to make hard decisions. I also don't see myself doing DUI defense work or any other defense attorney work for that matter. Any thoughts of where to go from here?

At odd ends
in Northern California

Dear AOE,

Auntie Pinko always has plenty of thoughts about helping other people run their lives. That's why I got into the advice columnist business! The impulse to give people advice represents (I hope) a caring and altruistic part of my character (Auntie P has her selfish and opportunistic side, too - as we all do).

But I'm guessing that if you think about the people you know well, there is at least one person among your acquaintance who indulges in the impulse to give good advice, but does so in a way that annoys people and decreases the value of any advice they give. Maybe you think of it as "nagging," or "being a busybody." (Both charges have been leveled, with some justification, at Auntie, so I know whereof I speak!)

So the challenge I faced was, "How do I use this incurable desire to give what I think of as good advice in a positive way, rather than being a nag or a busybody?"

That's why you can read my column every week. By choosing a place where people actually ask for my advice, where they have no psychological or emotional pressure from me to take the advice, etc., I can put my advice-giving talents to positive use.

Consciously or unconsciously, AOE, you are facing a similar decision in your own life - you are an attorney, with an attorney's skills. Where can you apply them to the greatest value? And you have made an admirable choice. Those who prey on the vulnerable often need the intervention of the law to induce a change in their behavior (or at least to put a stop to their predatory actions).

My choice has some unsatisfactory elements, just as yours does. I don't often know whether my advice has actually been of help to the person asking, much less others. There are questions I can't answer and feel badly about. And so forth.

But we cannot do what we know is right based on the rewards it gives us, tangible or intangible. Nor can we always see results from what we do. Often the most principled, correct actions seem ineffective, and sometimes they even backfire! But we have to trust that if we are doing what we know is right, the long-term good (both for our own souls and for the world) will outweigh the short-term doubts and dissatisfactions.

It often helps if you can concentrate on the best in people rather than the worst. There is at least one unsung hero or unsuspected saint on every jury. You may not know who s/he is, you may not be able to detect her/his presence, but have faith that s/he is there. Address your argument to him or her. Your expectations of people to act thoughtfully and altruistically can often bring out the neglected best in others.

As to your colleagues and your work environment, etc., Auntie suggests two things: First, take yourself a vacation. You sound tired and burnt out. Refresh yourself. Secondly, remember that in the great unfolding pageant of human lives and history, the current political troubles and your ability to affect them are relatively small. Take things a tad less seriously. Look for things to laugh at. Find something positive you have in common with the people you disagree with, and approach them from that angle.

Thanks for the important work you're doing, AOE, and for asking Auntie Pinko!

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