Democratic Underground

Bush Face Down on Floor

August 20, 2004
By K. Hardesty

This week, Bush spoke before the Veterans of Foreign Wars. He promised that his 2005 budget would do more for them than they could ever dream.

I'm sure that's good news to the thousands of veterans who have had their benefits slashed and their health claims denied.

I'm sure it's good news to the disabled soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan who have been treated horribly by the Bush administration.

I'm sure that's good news to the current soldiers in Iraq who lack basic equipment, like protective vests.

If Bush is telling the truth, all of his promises to veterans and soldiers would be good news.

Bush has made many sacrifices for our troops, like praying face down on the floor and giving up sweets until they come home from Iraq. According to last year's book, The Faith of George Bush, "It became known that he (Bush) refused to eat sweets while American troops were in Iraq, a partial fast seldom reported of an American president."

The book also claims that "Aides found him face down on the floor in prayer in the Oval Office."

Thanks, Bush. While you're lying face down on the floor praying for the troops and passing up the pralines, are these the kind of prayers you say?

Dear Lord, please remind me to order those Kevlar vests for the troops. Or remind me to order Donnie to order the vests. Somebody has got to order those vests 'cause the Democrats are running around claiming that women are holding bake sales to buy vests for their kids over there. I cannot go to bake sales 'cause I gave up sweets. I reckon I will have to take money out of my multi-billion dollar budget reserved for Halliburton so those housewives and Democrats can shut up about the bake sales for vests.

Oh, and Dear Lord, thanks for helping me with lies I cannot get caught at. Last Friday I claimed to Larry King that I had meetings with families of soldiers who were killed in Iraq. He wanted to know why no one knew about this. Thinking fast, 'cause Laura and you were by my side, I said the reason no one knew about all of these meetings was 'cause they were private. Dear Lord, please make me a good liar all of the time. I swear, there is no way to prove this one.

Dear Lord, I also said on Larry King that no one in the world cares more about the soldiers in Iraq than I do. And I swear I do. It's just, sometimes, to appease my buddies, I have to make the soldiers sacrifice for the greater good. Like, I had to raise money to supplement the veterans' health care by charging the veterans $250 enrollment fees. I had to do this so I could give my rich friends gigantic tax breaks. So, Lord, I am asking you to not to let some cocky reporter show this on the news. That lie, about me caring more than anyone else is also hard to prove, so I thank you for that.

Also, Dear Lord, please do not let veterans dig into my 2005 budget too much. You see, I claim that soldiers have an average pay of $40,000 a year and they really only get about $19,000 a year if they have been in for three years. You see, I include things like their retirement benefits that don't even start until they have been in for 20 years. And I include things like their housing and health benefits.

Dear Lord, I am hoping that the old guys are too old to check my math. Those WWII vets should be dropping like flies since they are in their eighties and nineties now. And those Korean vets should be kicking the bucket soon, too. And if I deploy all of the guys 50 and under to the Middle East next year, no one will be around to gripe about my fuzzy math. Dear Lord, help me make this so.

One more thing, Lord. While I am lying face down on the floor, help me find an M&M or at least a little coke to snort. Help me make it through the night.


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Troops in Iraq face pay cut: Pentagon says tough duty bonuses are budget-buster

Veterans Day 2003 and the Rancid Meat in the White House

Soldier Ordered To Repay Army

Veterans Groups Critical of Bush's VA Budget

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