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Bush Uses Word "Terror" in Dramatic Campaign Speech
March 10, 2004
Satire by David Albrecht

(LOS ANGELES) - In a nationally televised campaign speech, President George W. Bush wowed audience members and the press corps through his use of the word "terror". "Terror", said the president. "Terror, terror, war on terror, 9/11, 9/11, Saddam Hussein, terror, Saddam Hussein, 9/11, 9/11, terror."

Stung by criticism from Democratic candidates, Bush shot back today in Los Angeles in his first post-Super Tuesday speech. "No turning back in the war on terrorism", he stated. "War, wartime president, terror, Saddam Hussein, terror, terror." His remarks were rapturously received by hundreds of audience members at today's fundraising appearance. They particularly liked Mr. Bush's repetition of the scary word, "terror".

Jack Daugherty, a local real estate agent and GOP activist, said that he was reassured and uplifted by the speech. "The president said today what needed to be said, and I'm confident in his chances this November. Kerry and the Democrats can carp and whine all they like, but there's no way they can respond to 'Terror. Fighting terror, evil dictator, terror, war on terrorism.' No liberal senator from Massachusetts could make a speech like that."

News analysts, political professionals and ordinary voters had been waiting for the president's initial campaign effort, which had been sidelined during the Democratic primary season. Fred Barnes of Fox News noted that sheer repetition gave the speech a compelling gravitas. "To be honest, the president isn't the best public speaker in the world. But his use of the word "terror" 277 times in the speech - and that's stand-alone use not including phrases like "war on terror" or "fighting terror" - made the case for Bush's solid, assured leadership."

Candy Crowley of CNN agreed. During coverage and analysis of the speech, her mouth was too stuffed with Krispy Kreme doughnuts to allow any intelligible words to emerge. However, a pinched facial expression, cascades of tears and emphatic foot-stomping made it clear to viewers that she found the speech both intellectually convincing and emotionally moving.

Many voters have said that they're more concerned about the economy and jobs than about terrorism, and Bush devoted a substantial portion of today's speech to domestic issues, in particular economic policy. "Tax cuts, tax cuts," said President Bush, "Tax cuts, jobs, growth, economic recovery, recovery, low interest rates, jobs, tax cuts, manufacturing, cutting the deficit, tax cuts, jobs."

The president placed particular emphasis on jobs and job training to assuage fears of what some have called a jobless recovery: "Jobs, job training, job training programs, jobs, tax cuts, jobs, strong economic growth, retraining, global economy, jobs, job training." While foreign affairs have dominated the president's agenda since 9/11, his statement that "Jobs, tax cuts, jobs, low interest rates, jobs, productivity, jobs" reassured many in the audience that the economic future is bright.

Speaking briefly to reporters while leaving the event, President Bush outlined his plans for the next day or two on the campaign trail. "Airplane", the president said, "airplane, fly, eat, home, Laura, Barney, fly, talk, Jesus, sleep, work, terror, Saddam Hussein, 9/11."


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