Bush is Not a Fuck-Up
January 17, 2004
By bdf

I can read your mind. Right now, you're listing all the ways you know that Bush has fucked up and are getting ready to fire off some hate mail. Your list probably has three failed companies, failed foreign policy, failed economic policy, disastrous environmental policy, "bring 'em on", and more. But you're wrong. Bush is indeed guilty of all of that, but he is no fuck-up.

Let's take the failed oil companies. You're probably thinking that it takes a real fuck-up to start an oil company in Texas that fails to find any oil. But you're not thinking like a Bush. Bush's failed company allowed him to milk millions from investors and walk away with it in his pocket. A real fuck-up would have been as broke as his investors, or would have walked away with millions only to find himself put in prison for fraud. Bush achieved his objective: to get rich at the expense of others.

How about foreign policy? Bush has alienated most of the world, failed to find Osama and fought a war in Iraq based on nothing but lies. Most people who did that would be fuck-ups, but not Bush. Bush's foreign policy has allowed his defence company cronies to walk away with billions (so they will reward him with campaign contributions). Bush's foreign policy has allowed him to terrorize the US into numbly allowing Ashcroft to wipe has behind on the Bill of Rights in the hopes that it will make them safer. Bush's oil company cronies will be benefitting in due course. Bush achieved his objectives: to help his cronies get rich at the expense of others so they will kick back campaign contributions.

Failed economic policy? Any other president who turned a surplus into a deficit, lost millions of jobs and is about to cause a collapse of the dollar might be deemed a fuck-up, but not Bush. The deficit means that the US will soon no longer be able to afford social programs like health benefits, unemployment benefits or retirement benefits, which is exactly how the GOP likes it. The tax cuts for the obscenely rich will benefit his cronies who will kick back with campaign contributions. The lost jobs mean that people will be more likely to sign up with the military as their only chance of any kind of job. The collapse of the dollar will allow his rich cronies (who hold other currencies and gold as well as dollars) to buy up shares at bargain-basement prices and increase their stranglehold on businesses of all kinds. Not only that, the collapse of the dollar will actually allow companies to start using domestic labour instead of outsourcing to other countries by employing people for peanuts (less than they would pay Chinese or Indian workers). Bush has achieved his obectives: fuck everyone so his rich cronies benefit and so does he.

Disastrous environmental policy? Not for Bush's cronies, who can afford houses in places that won't be flooded when the icecaps melt and can afford air and water treatment systems for their homes that will filter out the mercury, carcinogens and other toxic crap. Bush again is no fuck-up, he has achieved his objectives: fuck everyone but him and his rich buddies.

Bush is busy getting ready to fight war on more fronts when the US military is struggling to cope with the two wars he already started. But he's still no fuck-up. His economic policy means that more people will be signing up as cannon fodder (and if they don't, steps are being taken to ensure the draft can be revived at short notice). Those wars will keep his defense contractor buddies happy as the US plunders the resources of foreign countries. Sure, those wars will breed resentment and increase the likelihood of terrorist attack, but Bush needs the excuse of a terrorist attack to justify even more draconian legislation (and perhaps even to suspend elections for the duration of the "emergency"). Ask George Orwell: perpetual war is double-plus good. No fuck-up here, Bush is on the point of achieving his ultimate objective: fuck democracy and stay in power perpetually by the use of perpetual war.

I can read your mind again. You're thinking that the truth will out and Bush will lose the election. But he has it covered three ways. The first is his massive campaign fund, allowing him to outspend his opponents (advertising works - ask Joe Camel). The second is the control by his rich cronies (whom he rewards with tax breaks and media deregulation) of most of he media. The third is the unauditable electronic voting machines from the likes of Diebold which will make the vote-rigging in Florida seem like an honest vote. Bush might seem like a vulnerable fuck-up, but he is likely to succeed in his objective: steal another election so he can fuck us over some more.

There are many more examples, but I'm sure you can think of them for yourselves and figure out why what looks like a fuck-up is actually superb strategy. And now you also know why I want you constantly to repeat the mantra: "Bush is not a fuck-up." He isn't. He only seems like one if you don't understand his objectives. If you think of Bush as a fuck-up, you "misunderestimate him" to his advantage, not yours.

It is true that Bush is fifty-one cards short of a full deck, but stupidity has never hampered despotic kings in the past - they just rely on their advisors and only falter when their arrogance causes them to ignore their advisors, which may be our only hope with Bush. It is true that Bush is a greedy, dishonest, evil piece of shit, but he is no fuck-up (by his own greedy, dishonest, evil standards).

However, telling your GOP friends (if you have any) that Bush is a complete fuck-up and giving examples (without explaining to them why really it is good strategy by Bush) may convince them not to support him. Just make sure you never think of Bush as a fuck-up, because he isn't.