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New Studies Show Presidency is Hereditary
March 13, 2003
By Alasdair Bates

Research done by scientists at the University of Cambridge (England), has shown that Presidency, like Haemophilia and HIV, is passed down from parents to children.

The subject, referred to as "George" in the paper, showed strong evidence that he had inherited Presidency from his father. This contradicts earlier studies, which suggested that the affliction is contracted from close contact with politics.

Professor Oliver Gunns, who led the research, reported that the findings were "highly satisfactory" and that George had been "highly co-operative, almost unashamed of his Presidency."

Until the 1970's such talk would have been laughed down in academic circles and only a few brave souls would have dared mention it out loud. However, with the outburst of free thinking in the late 1960's many researchers began to wonder why no women or black people had contracted Presidency, and some radical thinkers began to question the foundation of this belief.

It had previously been thought that inherited Leadership diseases had largely died out, surviving only in small pockets such as Great Britain, and conditions in the USA were unsuitable for the disease to flourish.

First diagnosed in the late 18th century, it has remained very rare. A large number of others have developed a milder strain of the disorder, and formed a self-help group which they call the Republican Party.

Presidency has so far occurred only in the wealthier areas of the country, and women and Afro-Americans have never been known to contract it. We've provided a list below of the most common symptoms, so you can diagnose any friends or relatives who you suspect may be suffering from this terrible disease:

• Delusions of grandeur
• Megalomania
• Directionless aggression towards neighbours
• Threatening and bullying behaviour
• Irrationally held beliefs and convictions

"George" also exhibited symptoms of dyslexia and severe bouts of living in Texas.

If a friend of yours is suffering from Presidency, refer them to a hospital immediately. Be aware that sufferers often nurture a bizarre attachment to their disease, and may persuade others to help them continue their behaviour. In the study, "George" and his father even managed to gain court backing in order to allow his Presidency to progress to a later stage.

The common treatment is a lengthy course of impeachment, although in urgent cases the doctor may prescribe a violent revolution. By far the safest course is to halt his disease midway through its course by carefully avoiding ballot boxes.

With your help, George and others like him may be able to return to a normal, happy and non-Presidential life.

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