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George At War
August 16, 2002
By Joan Healy

I have been pondering what makes Bush so intent on going to war with Iraq. The whole world, allies and enemies alike, seems to be against his mad passion for this war. Many of our military leaders find this war not to their liking, and even though the media is still obsequious and never questions his wisdom, the public is beginning to wonder. Yet still Bush and his administration ratchet up the war rhetoric daily. What, pray tell, is the reason?

Then the light struck and I knew the answer: poor George is feeling guilty! He missed his chance to show how macho he really is during the Vietnam war. He probably was anxious to serve in combat when Poppy found a spot for him in the National Guard (even though there was a long waiting list). I can hear him telling George, "Son, war is just too dangerous. You stay right here and protect Texas."

And that he did. Well for a while anyway, until that mixup in Alabama. He was probably kidnaped by some liberal democrats who just wanted to make him look bad if he ever ran for elected office and anyone - media take notice - cared to check out his service record.

So now to erase the blemish from his record, he has decided to engage in his own war, albeit from the safe post of commander in chief. But that seems a bit unfair. I think Bush should be able to experience the full thrill of battle to prove his metal.

He thinks a preemptive strike is called for. I say go to it George! First I think he should strap a six gun to his hip. That way he can look the part of the macho Texan that he tries to project. Possibly some friendly country will offer a plane to fly him to Baghdad. If not, one of our jets could fly over and he could parachute out. Wow! Think what that would do for his image.

But wait - I almost forgot about his hawkish advisors. They, too, are probably all feeling a little left out as it seems most of them missed their chance to go to war in Vietnam. Let's see, Cheney says he had "other priorities". Just think now he's almost in charge so he can just say the word and he, too, can go. John Ashcroft was busy teaching business education. Tom DeLay we know wants to go this time. He said he really wanted to go to Vietnam, but alas, all the spots were filled with minorities. It must have been that nefarious affirmative action.

John Bolton, who now says we go to war if Iraq whether they let weapons inspectors in or not, also dodged serving in Vietnam. Paul Wolfowitz probably became one of Bush's most hawkish advisors because he, too, avoided his opportunity to serve his country. Jeb Bush seems to have missed the fray in Vietnam - but I don't know if two brothers should go in the same company. Elliott Abrams and Ted Olson and many, many more are champing at the bit. They want to do their duty since this is a very patriotic crew. I'm sure they will come up with a great acronym for the gang.

I can see them marching behind their leader, Bush the conqueror, into Baghdad to right all wrongs and rid the world of evil. After they finish up there - it shouldn't take long, I heard this war would be a "cakewalk" - they can pull out the wanted posted: Osama Bin Laden WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE. And finish the job that Bush said he started in September.






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