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Conservative-to-English Dictionary: Decoding Right-wing spin and con-speak
August 10, 2002
By fed2dneck

Conservatives have assaulted the American people by mangling the English language, giving new, perverse meanings to common words and phrases. The far right has refined code talking to a science and has mastered the art of deceptively redefining important political terms, to the point where the average American has been duped into believing in the patriotism, religious fervor, and American values of conservatives, when in fact they do not say what they mean. The actions of the far right are not in keeping with their words, and so, as a public service to ordinary Americans, we have compiled this Conservative-to-English glossary which cracks the code of the radical right and defines their phrases according to their actions, as opposed to the lip service they pay.

Aiding and abetting terrorists: formerly, acting as an accomplice to politically motivated criminal activity, violence, or intimidation of civilian populations. Now, it has been twisted to mean a dogged insistence on exercising one's constitutional rights and having them respected, especially the right to criticize the government and the court-appointed pResidential tyrant and his henchmen, who use the fight against terrorism as an excuse to silence differences of opinion.

Anti-American: formerly, sentiments hostile to American ideals and cultures. Now, perverted to mean criticism of the anti-democratic and unconstitutional abuses of power by a court-appointed tyrant who shall go nameless.

Anti-business: derogatory term for a one who puts the interests of workers, consumers, and other ordinary people before those of rich, amoral corporate stuffed shirts and robber barons.

Apparent suicide: official declaration by crooked authorities to cover up a murder or assassination, especially if the alleged perpetrator or perpetrators enjoy the privilege of wealth, status, political connections, or any or all of the aforementioned. Typically said of whistleblowers who turn up dead. (related: accidental death)

Charitable choice: unconstitutional government funding of social services offered by potential terrorist organizations fronting as religious institutions. Most seeking this program have had a history of abusing children in the name of God.

Death tax: the inherited wealth tax to which only estates valued at $6,000,000 or more are subjected.

Democracy: a system in which the principle of one-person-one-vote has effectively been sold out to the one-dollar-one-vote model. (see: free enterprise).

Deregulation: elaborate con game practiced by corporate criminals to persuade lawmakers to give them a license to steal from investors, employees, and consumers; a socially acceptable pyramid scheme. Defended by supporters as "capitalism at work", instead of the fraud it is.

Economic security: absolute guarantee that the rich will get even richer on the backs of working Americans.

Economic stimulus: corporate welfare giveaways in the form of sharply reduced tax rates for millionaires, in which ordinary working folks must pay; more tax black holes that allow millionaires who don't pay taxes to get hefty refunds; all resulting in massive layoffs, yet without any relief for unemployed workers.

Free Enterprise: license for already bloated corporations to take over previously established, smaller businesses, with no government regulation to stop corporate bullies from stomping on them. It entails the replacement of regulated monopolies or small, mom-and-pop establishments with behemoth, impersonal corporations, luring the public with empty promises of increased competition and lowered prices, but the big corps eventually choke off competition with predatory practices, putting the little businesses out of business, so the former shop owners have to take a job for a mere pittance. Also known as Free Enterprise Cancer.

Free Speech: when mentioned by average Americans, it's the right to speak one's mind without running the risk of criminal charges. When spoken by a conservative, it's the "right" for amoral corporations to launder millions of dollars into the campaigns of conservatives, with the unspoken agreement of favorable legislation and/or protections from legal liability in return.

Freedom: license for right-wing authorities, corporate parasites, and Republican politicians to trample on the Constitutional rights of hard-working Americans, wrongly accused, and Democratic politicians.

Homeland Security: a proposed secret police agency, reminiscent of regimes like Nazi Germany, Stalinist Russia, and Red China, whose sole purpose is to protect and serve a dictatorial regime and to terrorize and oppress the American people, shredding the Constitution in the name of battling terrorism. Connotes the people being reduced to being subjects to a tyrant instead of citizens of a nation whose president represents them.

Investigation: partisan witch hunt that serves no purpose other than to discredit, embarrass, and humiliate liberal political opponents for indiscretions in their personal lives, and then try, convict, and hang by media on trumped-up felony charges for which the accusers themselves are probably guilty. Note that the loudest accusers are the same ones who are hiding skeletons in their own closets, from chronic adultery to telemarketing fraud to even murder.

Medicare/Social Security Modernization: right-wing Republican doublespeak for mandatory privatization of Social Security and Medicare, which forces workers to take a portion of their payroll taxes intended for Social Security and Medicare and invest it in the stock market so corporate pirates can easily steal their life savings. See also Social Security/Medicare Reform.

Meritocracy: eloquent-sounding euphemism for social Darwinism, masking the ugly reality of economic and social injustice. a.k.a, the de facto affirmative action program favoring wealthy white Protestant males at the expense of women and minorities.

Obstructionist: said when a Democratic politician prevents bad or unjust legislation from being acted upon, particularly when Republican politicians propose laws that provide tax breaks for corrupt, criminal corporations; give incentives for them to export American jobs to foreign sweatshop operators; and leave the unemployed workers to fend for themselves.

Partisan witch hunt: investigation into serious crimes committed by conservative politicians and/or their most generous campaign contributors, with the intent to get at the truth. This term only applies to liberal politicians suspicious of conservative stonewalling and secrecy intended to cover up corporate crime.

Pro-business: conservative euphemism to justify giving big corporations an undeserved sense of entitlement, free rein to overcharge consumers for products and services of substandard quality, underpay workers while subjecting them to dangerous working conditions, and put smaller establishments out of business.

Pro-life: When used by progressives truly concerned about all life, it means protecting both the sanctity and quality of life from conception to natural death, without discriminating by reason of age, gender, race, criminal status, status inside or outside of the womb, or disability. When used by conservatives, it connotes a selective, hypocritical claim to protect the unborn, but in reality thinly masks a visceral hostility of women, minorities, and the disabled. Note that the "sanctity of life" does not extend to pregnant women, "convicted" murderers, nor foreigners, especially political enemies. Quality of life doesn't matter to them.

Protect: When used by Republican, especially conservative, politicians or pundits; billionaire businesspeople; greedy oil executives; etc.; it means to oppress the people by stripping them of their basic liberties and rights, while conning them into thinking dictatorial rule is good for them.

Protect the Homeland: to oppress the American people by shredding the Constitution; arbitrarily imprisoning people the regime doesn't like by slapping the label "enemy combatant", then deprive them of their right to a lawyer, information of the charges against them, a fair trial, and a presumption of innocence; stripping workers of their job security; depriving the public of their right to seek the truth; and threaten, terrorize, and frighten them into silence and submission by means of false terror warnings whenever either the pResident's approval rating's slump or a scandal breaks.

Regime Change: Unprovoked, illegal war on a country with the intention of replacing a dictator the pResident doesn't approve of with another dictator the illegal squatter does approve of.

School Choice: stealth resegregation, or in extreme cases, state-sponsored terrorism, in the form of vouchers which allows parents to send their children to private schools, even fundamentalist religious schools which serve as fronts of domestic terrorist organizations which have the regime's approval.

Security Risk: any action by political opponents that would expose the unpleasant truth that His Illegitimacy indeed stole the election and is occupying the White House by sheer judicial fiat, such as displaying signs hostile to the regime in the face of the president or reporting crimes committed by right-wing political operatives (see propaganda). These actions call for drastic measures to curb them, such as arresting little old ladies for carrying signs bearing slogans critical of the regime, and herding protesters into makeshift concentration camps they call "First Amendment zones", far out of view of the tinhorn dictator.

Social Security reform: privatization pyramid scheme that forces workers to invest in Enron or WorldCom style stocks what would have gone into Social Security for retirement. The amount a worker will have by age 60 will be an utter surprise--usually next to nothing!!.

Tax rebate: an advance on the taxes that the taxpayer will have to repay the following April 15, but presented as if they didn't have to repay it. A trap if you ask us.

Tax relief: scam put forth by conservatives to justify shifting the tax burden from wealthy individuals and large corporations, who can afford to pay the most in taxes, to the middle- and lower classes, who end up paying a much larger percentage of their income in taxes. Also known as trickle-down economics, when the rich get a golden parachute, while they give the middle and working classes a golden shower.

Terrorist: formerly, an individual or member of an organization that resorts to politically, racially, or religious-motivated violence, intimidation, or force, against civilians. Now, it has come to mean, thanks to our attorney general, any exercise or demand of constitutional rights that are at odds with the agenda of the executive branch of the Federal government. Especially used by conservatives to tattle to the government on liberals who have a problem with the ruling classes.

Tort reform: diabolical scheme designed to relieve misbehaving corporations of their responsibility to pay for their illegal acts. Can take the form of making it too hard for individuals to sue corporations, or capping damages to absurdly low sums of money, equivalent to letting a violent felon off with a slap on the wrist.

War on terrorism: justification on dubious grounds for legalized? kidnapping of immigrants or ethnic groups, whose only association with the real terrorists is a common religion, language, and accent. Also entails a wholesale subversion of the Constitution, resulting in the denial of basic liberties and rights of American citizens, in the name of protection from terrorists.

Wasteful taxpayer spending: when a Democratic politician attempts to investigate a serious political/business scandal involving executives with Most Favored Corporation status bilking investors, employees, and retirees out of billions of their hard-earned dollars, along with their enablers, who stonewall the investigation with illegal executive orders and unlawful invocation of executive privilege, and who belligerently and falsely accuse leaders of the opposition party of corruption they themselves are knee-deep in. (see: partisan witch hunt)

Youthful indiscretions: felonies punishable by long prison sentences when committed by a Democrat, poor person, black, Hispanic, liberal, or feminist, An absolute defense against punishment when done by a conservative Republican.

fed2dneck is a regular DUer who abhors right-wing deception.

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