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The Bunnypants Gang Takes On PFLAG
March 12, 2002
By Tucker Estron

Things started to get seriously weird in America when the son of the former chief of the secret police was installed as President after a dubious election. Most news agencies in the country carried somewhat-inaccurate assessments of the final vote count in the most-disputed state, claiming the son of the former chief of secret police had actually won, fair and square; reports from other countries, where the propagandists (who were variously called "spin doctors" and "press agents") had no sway told the real story.

It was moot anyway; the matter had been decided by the highest court in the land--presided over by a judge with political ties to that former chief of secret police himself.

The son of the former chief of secret police began appointing members of the far right wing of his political party to key positions. As Secretary of Energy he chose a man who believed the Department of Energy should be abolished; as Attorney General he appointed a man who blocked voluntary desegregation in Missouri (apparently without wondering whether the man would be able to uphold desegregation laws).

Then, in the middle of this already warped time, a far-right-wing religious fundamentalist from a different sect launched an attack on America.and the clusterfuck was on. New surveillance powers for the police, new cautions to "watch what you say," and a new arm of the government, named "Homeland Security" all sprung up like toadstools after the rain. The attorney general started hinting that anyone who thought civil rights were in danger might be accused of siding with the terrorists; and then it was holiday season. One of my on-line buddies got a visit from the FBI for publicly calling Bush "Crusader Bunnypants."

Meanwhile, the Salvation Army, a religious organization that had curried favor with the Bush government, continued longstanding policies of discriminating against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people. In protest, PFLAG groups around the country started printing up funny-money: Monopoly-looking bills with a little message saying, "I did not donate the real thing because of your discriminatory practices" to be dropped into the holiday season's many Salvation Army buckets. The idea was to send a clear message that the Salvation Army was being boycotted, and why.

The Salvation Army did not like this boycott, so they called up the Secret Service--the people who investigate counterfeit money. Despite the fact that these bills were obvious fakes and no one was trying to use them to buy anything, the Secret Service dutifully showed up at the headquarters of the Flint PFLAG to investigate. It seems the Bunnypants Gang isn't too fond of gay people, and they had determined that these little reminder-notes were somehow more dangerous, more a threat to the nation, than all those Bill Clinton $3 bills that were printed up in the 90's (without one peep out of the Secret Service).

Of course, the absurdity isn't over yet. The Bunnypants Gang is even now investigating those troublesome PFLAG agitators, while being somehow unable to find the guy who's been sending anthrax around. (It's no surprise that Mr. Thrax, whoever he is, seems to target left-wingers. Perhaps the Bunnypants Gang should be looking around their own clubhouse?)

This, then, is the new way of things. A wise person observed, "Fascism looks exactly like a parody of itself." Well, it's not quite a parody yet--but I can see the irony beginning to roll in like a fog.

Tucker Estron publishes a little zine in the Pacific Northwest and is really, really weird.


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