Democratic Underground

My Flag is Bigger than Your Flag
November 29, 2001
by Nathaniel D. Selby

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Recently an employee of the Boulder public library wished to hang up a very large flag (10 x 15 feet to be exact). Unfortunately the flag was so large that it blocked the entrance to the library. Library Director Marcelee Gralapp, being very sensible, decided that as people needed to use the door to get in and out, it would be best to take it down. The library would just have to settle for the twelve other flags displayed in and around the library.

Sounds reasonable, right?


Soon after the incident letters to all the the local news papers began to pour in about this un-American act. Of course nobody bothered to check the facts. It was a simple case of a liberal being unpatriotic. It was obvious that this was a case of Gralapp trying to be "objective" (conservatives have the amazing ability to make the word objective sound evil) and not take sides in the war.

By the time it reached (that bastion of news excellence) Gralapp was officially quoted as saying that to display the flag "would compromise objectivity."

This bizarre tale of rumors and gossip-mongering does not end here however. The news of Gralapp's evil anti-American behavior reached the ears of that wonderfully moderate House Rep. for Colorado, Tom Tancredo, who quite maturely stated that anybody who doesn't display the American flag should "get the hell out of the country."

In addition to just being sweet and lovable, little Tommy is also a busy little bee - he is currently writing legislation that would cut all federal funding to any institution which refuses to display the American flag. Poor Tommy, someone forgot to tell him that Boulder public library does not receive federal funds. Undaunted, Tommy will push for this legislation anyway - and even wants to add public schools to the list of places that can be denied funding in the proposed legislation.

All this of course reveals the true priorities of the Republican party. Literacy is something that must be wiped out by taking funds from schools and libraries. After all if people read they might think, and if they think who will be left to join the Republican Party? On the other hand waving bits of colored fabric is obviously the true American way and should be encouraged.

So remember if you want to be a true American block your entrance with a American flag today.