Democratic Underground

George II - Act 1, Scene 1
August 29, 2001
by William Shakespeare
compiled by Aaron DeTyre

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Compiler's note: Early in the summer of 2001 I was vacationing in England and had the honor of visiting the Bard's hometown of Stratford-upon-Avon. There, by means that Scotland Yard will not allow me to disclose, I stumbled across a theatrical piece from the late 1500s that is believed to have been written by Shakespeare himself.

One of his "history" plays, it is entitled "George II"; however, the play was written over a century before Britain's George II assumed the throne, and there appears to be no correlation between the historical events in this play and British history whatsoever. Do read it, however, as it has led me to believe that perhaps the Bard was a prophet as well as a poet.

Act I, Scene 1

Enter Karolus of Rove from left, and Arian of Fleischer from right.

Arian. Who goes there?
Karolus. 'Tis Karolus of Rove.
Arian. 'Tis none other than Karolus of Rove!
Karolus. Dost thou laugh at me, sire?
Arian. Nay, friend, I do not laugh at thee.
Karolus. Dost thou desire a duel?
Arian. Why comest thou to me with such aggression, sir? I wish not to duel.
I come bearing tidings of battle.
Karolus. Speak not of such horrid practice, my friend.
I seek to hear no more since our good lord d'Arbusto fell at Hampshire.
Arian. Nay, comrade! John of Cain may have surpassed our lord at Hampshire.
But the true victor, 'tis our own George d'Arbusto.
Karolus. I do not understand, sire. For 'twas near certain
That d'Arbusto had succumbed to Lord Cain.
Arian. I speak naught but the truth, friend.
Lord Arbusto has slain John of Cain.
Karolus. 'Tis impossible! I give all my loyalty and reverence
To Lord George d'Arbusto, but the boy is a mere village idiot.
Arian. True, sir. Lord Arbusto emerged victorious through the aid of his allies.
'Twas Sir Richard of Chene who hath rid us of Lord Cain.
And also our lord's own father.
Karolus. George the Elder? Nay, sire, thou emitst fallacies from thy tongue.
Our Lord the Elder has still not recovered from his defeat
By Duke William of Clinting!
Arian. Speak not that name, friend, I beg of thee!
O, the horror, the torment of such corruption!
Karolus. Duke William desireth to leave his position, sire.
He shall be succeeded by Duke Albert of Gore.
Arian. Speak not that name either! 'Tis Duke Albert of Gore
Whom our lord must defeat next!
Karolus. Duke Albert of Gore is a weak leader.
Arian. Aye, sir, but he hath justice on his side.
Karolus. Nay, lad, thou hast forgotten.
Lord George d'Arbusto hath fortune on his side!
Enter Sir Edward of Kennedy.
Arian. There, sir, is a face to laugh at.
Karolus. Indeed, comrade. 'Tis the drunken Papist who hateth our lord!
'Tis Sir Edward of Kennedy.
Arian. The fool is undeserving of the title.
Kennedy. Good morrow, fellows. What news have you?
Arian. A copious amount. But thou shalt not know it.
Kennedy. Wherefore must matters be so? I understand not.
Karolus. My good Arian of Fleischer here would not kiss the hand
Of a follower of the Duke of Gore.
Kennedy. Likewise I shall not kiss the hand of a follower of Lord Arbusto!
They draw their swords and fight.
Kennedy. Back, villein! Duke Albert of Gore shall slay thy bastard Lord!
Karolus. Thou slandereth, drunkard of Kennedy!
May thy brother be consumed by rats in his grave!
Kennedy. Curse not my brother, foul scum of Rove!
Arian. Marry, 'tis the guard! They approach! Quick, my friend, we shall flee!
Exeunt Arian and Karolus.
Kennedy. Perhaps 'tis not the time or place, and perhaps Lord Arbusto
Shall win this battle, but I know in my soul
That he shall not win the war!

Coming soon: Act 1, Scene 2!