Democratic Underground

To the Washington Seven: Resign Now!
August 4, 2001
by Bradford Shaw

Seven prominent Washington figures, career politicians all, have been a collective thorn in the side of reasonable, even-tempered Americans for the last few years.

These life-sized caricatures of political buffoonery have plagued our nation for far too long without restraint and now their public stupidity must stop.

I hereby call for the resignation of the "Washington Seven" for the good of our country and the future of the planet.

The Principal Players

1. George W Bush: Not elected fairly, unprepared for the tough intellectual challenge of the Presidency.

2. Richard Cheney: Picked himself for the office over better candidates, doesn't have the health, and therefore the stamina for office.

3. Trent Lott: Every time he opens his mouth, he proves that he is a simpleton who should be anchoring some rural southern newscast.

4. Tom Delay: Is intolerance his middle name? Can he ever remain silent about any issue? Is he an intellectual midget?

5. Bob Barr: With his constant opining as to the honesty of his opponents, without acknowledging his own dishonesty, he leads the list for urgent resignation requests.

6. Dan Burton: After hearing about the watermelon episode, I wonder if this man is sane. That coupled with his need to subpoena the western world, has him on the Washington Seven list.

7. Dennis Hastert: Good old Dennis makes the list for his consistent, and yet quiet, somewhat understated fulfillment of the Newt Gengrich long range GOP Congressional plan.

The Seven Deadly Sinners

#1-George W Bush

Anyone who has visited this website and checked out the forums or read any articles from the many varied authors featured here has a decent grip on the truth of the last election cycle, and how our illegitimate President stole the assumed office.

First over 50,000 votes were purged from the Florida election base due to possible behind-the-scenes meddling by highly partisan Secretary of State Katherine Harris' computer firm.

Then a ballot which was difficult for some older Floridians to understand was created by a supposedly Democratic official who was later discovered to have a recent Republican leaning past.

Still, this wasn't enough, so George Jr. used his trump card, the Supreme Court, whose majority was hand picked by previous Republican administrations to assure his questionable Florida victory.

Resign, George, and let the American people have a President that was fairly elected.

#2-Richard Cheney

First of all, where is the sense of honor and fairness in picking yourself when challenged with finding a second in command for a new administration?

This outmoded unhealthy relic from the Nixon administration was the best and brightest candidate for the job in a field of many qualified politicians?

This fellow, who brags to have conducted the Gulf War without any health problems, never served a day in uniform; electing to utilize a draft deferment, raise a family and go into politics rather than serve in the military, is the absolute cream of the crop where the second-in-command of our nation is concerned?

Then, after overseeing the Department of Defense during the Gulf war, he decided to go to work for one of the companies that would profit the most from his inside knowledge of the area and itıs politics, Halliburton.

When all was said and done, he was several million dollars richer, like all good Republicans want to be.

This is the experience needed to fill the office of President, if needed in a crisis?

And what if there were a crisis? Would his poor health prohibit him from handling the pressures of the daily Presidential grind?

All of this information is overshadowed by the fact that he too did not get elected fairly.

Dick Cheney, for the good of the country and your own fragile health, resign now!

#3-Trent Lott

After years of observing Trent Lott in action, most logical citizens would agree that his best role would be one of news anchor in a minor southern media market. His haircuts, off the rack suits, and public persona would be well suited for a rural news personality.

In reality, his opinions, and so it follows, his Senatorial votes, are from another time and another place: that of South-of-the-Mason-Dixon-line America in the nineteen seventies.

He is perfectly happy with Bill Clinton's bridge into the twenty-first century, as long as it has a nice turn-around on the other side so that we can digress back to those nice old comfortable white dominant days of the distant past.

His idea of progress, so it seems, is a progression backward. Back to that old time religion, that old time morality, and that good old boy network that put him in office in the first place.

Trent Lott, for the sake of progress, and so we never have to hear the "Singing Senators" again, resign now!

#4-Tom Delay

Space limits the complete listing for why this career politician should resign.

From his strident attacks on Bill Clinton during the impeachment debacle, through his misguided and numerous television appearances throughout the Elian Gonzales episode, and continuing throughout selection 2000, Tom Delay has proved that he apparently doesn't have a logical or even tempered approach to anything.

His unconditional response is to oppose anything progressive or forward thinking with all of his political energy.

In this divided age of forced bi-partisanship, Tom Delay is a dinosaur; a relic of the bygone days of Newt Gengrich and the Republican "Contract on America."

Tom Delay, for the sake of the future of our great nation, resign now!

#5-Bob Barr

This smarmy little pustule of a man is always the first to call for the resignation of anyone who philosophically opposes his right-wing, holier-than-thou party line.

Truth be known, Mr. Barr's own past is cluttered with a pattern of self-centered actions which he, himself would condemn. He has been a strident opponent of abortion and reproductive freedom, and yet it has been rumored that he drove his girlfriend to an abortion clinic, and even paid for the procedure himself.

Later in his political career, he asserted that he was part of the new, politically equal, racially sensitive Republican Party; a Party who welcomed all races and creeds. Then, shortly after that, it was reported that "good old boy" Barr may have used racial epithets in dealing with parking lot personnel who weren't moving fast enough in their service to the squat, balding, squinty congressman.

Bob Barr, for the sake of racial equality, and so we don't have to see your unattractive countenance on national television again, resign now!

#6 Dan Burton

Dan Burton has shown, through his own bizarre actions, two very distinct things to the voting populace.

First, it is notable that early into the Clinton administration, Burton conducted his own private investigation into the Vince Foster suicide on his private time and at his private residence. It is widely known that Representative Burton took several shots at a watermelon in his own backyard in an effort to recreate the suicide scene.

This strikes me, and several million other people in this country, as quite strange.

Second, Mr. Burton has had a record in Washington in recent years as being "subpoena crazy," having issued subpoenas to more people than anyone can remember in recent history.

The final straw in his series of inane actions was probably his expressed desire to subpoena Elian Gonzales to his committee hearings.

Too much, Mr. Power-wielder.

Dan Burton, for the sake of the dignity of our country, and because you might actually pose a risk to the safety of the community and yourself, resign now!

#7 Dennis Hastert

The esteemed Speaker of the House has been, throughout his term as leader of that august body, a mover behind the scenes. He has managed to move the Republican, and therefore conservative, cause forward without the public relations ugliness of Newt Gengrich.

His Drew Carey's-father looks and semi-quiet mannerisms seem to have worked their charms with the American public and news media, while still affording the Speaker an opportunity to fulfill most of his predecessor's wishes for a right-leaning Congress.

It is often difficult to spot Hastert at news conferences and photo-ops, but rest assured that he is indeed hidden away there somewhere.

Like the truly inspired Saturday Night Live sketch with the late, great Phil Hartman portraying a simple, honest, straightforward Reagan to the public, and a power-mad, detail-driven evil genius in private, Dennis Hastert is directly responsible through his leadership for many of the worst decisions (too many to list here) that Congress has made in recent years.

Dennis Hastert, for the sake of the nations need to finally be rid of Newt and his ilk, and because you unfortunately would follow in Constitutional order as President if certain other previously mentioned resignations were forthcoming, resign now!

Although there are many other people that would serve the nation best by going home from Washington to sell shoes in their home towns, such as Dick Armey and Henry Hyde, these seven anti-patriots could do the absolute immediate most for their country by calling in their over worked stenographic staff for some overdue resignation dictation.

So once more I demand of the "Washington Seven," RESIGN NOW!

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