Democratic Underground

The Empire Smokes Crack
June 23, 2001

SCENE: The Death Star. Cabinet members sit around a black conference table. Imperial Stormtroopers stand guard around the room, as cabinet members bicker.

POWELL: Until the National Missile Defense is fully functional we are vulnerable. The Rogue States are too well equipped, with their anthrax and suitcase nukes. They may be more dangerous then you realize.

RUMSFELD: Dangerous to your armies, General, not to the NMD.

POWELL: The Rogue States will continue to gain support in the UN as long as...

Powell's speech is cut short as Vice President Cheney enters. He is followed by his powerful ally, John "Darth" Ashcroft. Cheney sits at the head of the table as Ashcroft stands behind him.

CHENEY: The UN will no longer be of any concern to us. I have just received word from the President, we have been expelled from Council permanently. The UN will shrivel without us. The last remnants of the Old Democracy have been swept away.

POWELL: That's impossible! How will the Corporations maintain power without the bureaucracy?

CHENEY: The overseas subsidiaries have been given direct control over their territories. Fear will keep the locals in line. Fear of the NMD.

RICE: And what of the Rogue States? If they have obtained a complete access to the EP-3, it is possible they could find a weakness and exploit it.

ASHCROFT: The plane you refer to will soon be back in our hands.

RUMSFELD: Any attack made by the Rogue States against the NMD would be a useless gesture, no matter what technological data they've obtained. The NMD is the ultimate power in the world. I suggest we use it.

ASHCROFT: Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've created. The ability to destroy the planet is insignificant compared to the power of Our Lord Jesus.

RUMSFELD: Don't try to frighten us with your fundie ways, Ashcroft. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen EP-3 spy plane or given you clairvoyance enough to find the the Rogue States' hidden missile silos... (Suddenly Rumsfeld turns blue and chokes as Ashcroft twists his fingers.)

ASHCROFT: I find your lack of faith... disturbing.

CHENEY: Enough! Ashcroft, release him!

ASHCROFT: As you wish. (Rumsfeld drops to the table, gasping for air.)

CHENEY: This bickering is pointless. I will provide the President with the location of the Rogue States by the time the NMD is operational. We will then crush them with one swift stroke. (Everyone in the room laughs evilly.)



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