Democratic Underground

Subliminable Messages
June 1, 2001
intercepted by Jesse Berney

From: Karl Rove
To: Vice President Cheney
Re: Issue ads

Howdy Dick:
I just got some poll numbers in, and the news is not good. All those trips across the country we've been sending the President on? Haven't done shit. They got almost no airtime on the networks, and the audiences were filled with GOP activists who would gladly eat mud if we told them to. We're not really accomplishing anything with these rallies, and we need to change focus fast if we want to stick a rag in Gephardt and Daschle's mouths.

There's only one answer, Dick: TV commercials. You can prattle on about New York Times editorials and Meet the Press all you want, but let's be honest. Americans pay more attention to the Martin Sheen White House than the real thing. We'll get more attention from a 30-second spot during the Simpsons than we will from the State of the Union.

I know we'll get some shit for running ads this early, but we're in a four-year campaign cycle now. Hell, we're already planning the 2004 convention. Besides, we don't even have to worry about raising money for these ads. We'll just reallocate half of the FEC's budget for a special "Presidential Voter Education Program." That'll put those paper-shuffling Boy Scouts in their place. If the Dems complain, we'll just say they're "practicing the politics of personal destruction." Amazing how that still shuts them up.

You remember how well the whole "RATS" thing panned out. Getting that frame into the ad and then leaking the story was a winner all around. We got the media to stay away from the issues and made the Democrats look like whiners for complaining about something so stupid. Karen and Ari suggested short commercials with George speaking from the Oval Office, and I figure we might as well do the "subliminable" thing again. Below are some ideas for commercials, along with images we can insert for a frame to get our real message across. Let me know what you think.

"Ending the energy crisis"
  • An unprecedented energy crisis looming.
  • Blackouts will soon hit the whole country.
  • Rising gas prices will kill small businesses and put families into poverty.
  • Environmental extremists want to destroy our "American way of life" by cutting our energy consumption.
  • The obvious solution: more exploration, more drilling, and more power plants.

  • Nature is the enemy.

    "Helping others through faith"
  • Tell a heartwarming story of a man saved from poverty/addiction/crime by a religious charity.
  • Faith must play an important part in solving society's ills.
  • Government must be willing to try whatever it takes to solve the problems facing our citizens most in need.
  • We're transferring budget for the Department of Health and Human Services to Billy Graham.

  • Aren't those other religions weird?

    "Fighting crime together"
  • List some of the more frightening statistics we can dig up on crime.
  • Putting a criminal in jail is the only way to keep him from hurting law-abiding citizens.
  • Drug pushers and dope heads are all over the streets, waiting to destroy your peace of mind.
  • Buying a gun is a great way to protect your family from crime.

  • We'll protect you from the bad men.

    "America's role in the world"
  • Mexico: strategic partner.
  • China: strategic competitor.
  • Europe: strategic socialists.
  • Iraq: strategic bad guy.
  • North Korea: strategic missile defense excuse.
  • Canada: strategic bacon provider.
  • Africa: strategic pharmaceuticals customer.

  • Don't mess with Texas.

    "Honor and dignity"
  • The Democrats are thwarting our agenda at every turn with senseless partisanship.
  • They hold up our appointments and our budget.
  • They waste the American people's valuable time on silly issues like campaign finance reform even though we beat the pants off John McCain in the primaries.
  • We came to Washington, D.C. to change the tone and restore honor and dignity to the presidency.
  • Honor and dignity mean voting for what we want.

  • I'd never do this in the Oval Office.

    Jesse Berney:

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