Democratic Underground

The Mouthpiece
March 31, 2001
by Jerry Fees

Listening to Ari "The Mouthpiece" Fleischer on Thursday at the so called press briefing, I never felt better about my vote for Al Gore. As I was listening to him duck and dodge, I wondered if the "average Joe", who voted for old 5/4, ever felt worse about the way he voted. Wasn't this occupant of the White House supposed to be bringing back dignity and honor to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.? Forget dignity and honor! What about the occasional straight answer?

You could just hear the frustration in the voices of the reporters trying to tie The Mouthpiece down to when was the next time Shrub would bring his cue cards down to try and dodge some questions. Slippery Ari must have used the word "accessible" ten times in two minutes. He insists the Resident is "accessible". He answers questions "on the fly" - on a daily basis, by golly.

This recent appearance of The Traveling Shrub's Comedy Review means he has now slipped down twice in the last ten weeks, with his cue cards and two minute warning, to duck, dodge and clown in front of whatever reporters were present at the time. If that's not "accessible", then what is? He appeared in public with two, count them two, foreign leaders and answered questions for all the world to see. He might even try it with that guy from Germany, whatever his name is. Ari wasn't sure if Shrub might not be the most "accessible" Resident of all time.

The Mouthpiece was repeatedly pressed about ongoing appearances by the "misunderestimated one" and he assured reporters that the "hit and run" style Bush has demonstrated so far is all they're going to see and he was sure that was "good enough" for the American people. Having watched Bush get selected, and now having observed the first ten weeks of his so called administration, it becomes apparent that anything can become so as long as you say that it is so often enough.

Bush can be "accessible", even though he's in his office hiding behind Cheney's draft dodging skirt, as long as you say he's "accessible" often enough. After all, we know these are honorable and good men because they told us they were. It doesn't make any difference how many lies they've told or that they both dodged their service in Viet Nam. During the election they told us they were the good guys so that must make it so. We'll "leave no children behind" because we say we won't. So what if they've got to drink poison water and breathe polluted air? At least we won't leave them behind.

Wait until we get a look at the budget proposals of "His Illegitimacy". It won't make any difference which programs fall victim to the need to budget for his pay back scheme. We won't be "leaving those children behind" because we say we won't. The Resident is concerned about our air because Ms. New Jersey says he is. "He's very committed to that discussion" because she says he is. It doesn't make any difference that HE LIED. It doesn't make any difference that he's letting the coal industry roll all over him and all over the average Joe in the name of corporate profits because "he's very committed to that discussion", because he says he is. I wonder if she likes her new role as Dubya's doormat?

What exactly is a "Compassionate Conservative" I wonder? Is that someone who can stand bad water and bad air in the name of corporate profits? Is that someone who can stand reductions in programs for children in order that there be enough for tax breaks for the rich? Is a "Compassionate Conservative" someone who wants to see the labor unions and the labor movement destroyed? Someone who would rather the average Joe go back to working for $5 an hour in a $15 an hour economy? Are the average Joes, who voted for Bush in the first place, proud of themselves after just ten weeks? Are you feeling even a little betrayed by his slipperiness? Doesn't it bother you that he or his people won't answer a "straight question" with a "straight answer"? Is this "politics as usual" or what? Is this the "new tone" we were going to get in Washington?

What would have been the "Compassionate Conservative" response to allegations that Chelsea Clinton was toasting a little herb on the weekends? Do you suppose they would have said nothing? Where's all that moral outrage now? Maybe there's no inhaling going on. Can you say hypocrite?

Wasn't Shrub going to be a force for unity as opposed to division? Who is the real advocate of "class warfare" here? Is it the union worker looking for a little relief from repetitive stress injuries or is it the corporate shill looking for ways to pay back the $400 million he borrowed to steal the election? Is the "class warrior" the Republican who helped slam Bush's tax scheme through the House or is it Vice President Joe Lieberman who advocates that every tax payer, rich or poor, get an equal immediate refund of $300? We're at war all right but it's not us little guys that are waging it.

Don Eberly says we're postponing the "faith based initiative". The Mouthpiece says we can't be postponing what we never set a start date for. What is the definition of "is" Ari? You guys sound like you're still on the campaign trail blowing smoke. Don't you realize the game is afoot and you're the only show in town now? In case you haven't looked, Ari and Georgie, everybody is watching. You can run but you can't hide. We're only ten weeks in and your act is growing stagnant and stale. Frustration has begun to set in and tempers have begun to fray.

The press corps that warmed to The Pretender in the beginning is starting to get a little anxious for something to actually write about now and The Mouthpiece is on his tenth round of the same old lame excuses. My guess would be it should get real interesting sometime soon. It didn't take Jeanne Dixon to see this one coming.

Al Gore looks pretty good to me right now. He may have sold his soul but it was to the masses and not the few. It's obvious who's calling the shots right now and it's not the fifty million who voted for Gore or even about forty million of the ones who voted for old 5/4.

Jerry Fees is a freelance writer from Des Moines, IA.
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