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In the discussion thread: Please give me your thoughts. [View all]

Response to no_hypocrisy (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 12:34 AM

7. maybe a lot of this relationship was lost a long time ago?

"Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss.
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief

it seems you were/are angry with him (and resentful?) and that overrides and overshadows other feelings and emotions.

and because of his age i'm guessing there was some responsibility, stress, and pressure put on you to help him/watch over him/take care of him. ?

not everyone gets along, personalities clash, family dynamics get skewed. and we are all far from perfect. and i think that's when the idea of forgiveness comes into play--to forgive someone else for their indifference, inconsideration, imperfections, and unintentional cruelties. (and just because you forgive them doesn't make you instantly like them or care about them)

i suppose no one can grieve over someone when they do not consider their absence a loss.

i had a pretty good relationship with my dad but we would still get into some really stupid, loud fights. i remember him saying, in the middle of one of our fights, that i would miss him when he was gone. and i shouted back at him that of course i would miss him but i wouldn't miss these fucking fights!

and that turned out to be true. i never missed our fights/arguments. but i missed him and all the positive things he brought to my life. (unlike my mom where i continue to miss every aspect we shared--both good and bad, including the fights.)

i'm sorry you didn't have a better relationship with your father.
i'm sorry you missed out on having a positive relationship with him but plenty of people do not have positive relationships with their parents or other family members; you are certainly not alone when it comes to that.

in a way, you and i are in similar boats headed in the opposite direction.
while you said "It's just weird not to grieve when society on the whole expects you to do that" i could say about myself: "it's just weird not to get over it and move on when society on the whole expects you to do that."

and i think either way, whichever direction we're headed, it's okay.

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 8 replies Author Time Post
no_hypocrisy Jun 2014 OP
auntAgonist Jun 2014 #1
no_hypocrisy Jun 2014 #3
Arkansas Granny Jun 2014 #2
no_hypocrisy Jun 2014 #4
Downwinder Jun 2014 #5
auntAgonist Jun 2014 #6
LineNew Reply maybe a lot of this relationship was lost a long time ago?
orleans Jun 2014 #7
PasadenaTrudy Jul 2014 #8
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