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Response to astonamous (Original post)

Wed Jan 4, 2012, 01:54 AM

6. sending you much sympathy

i can't imagine the shock and deep sadness you must be feeling. my daughter's 23 and...oh my god--i can't imagine.

and thank you for posting this piece of advice.

years ago, when i was in my late teens & early twenties, my friend and i would talk about stuff like that--the songs we wanted played at our funerals, who was going to get what (even though we hardly had anything of value), etc. and i think i always had my mom on my meager bank account.

now i don't even want a funeral or memorial service--just a very casual gathering at home if my daughter wants to do that. my mother made it very clear (even put it in writing) that she didn't want a funeral or anything so my daughter and i had a gathering in memory and celebration of her in our home over a year after she passed on.

but i think, in general you're right: kids (young people) generally don't think about the details for something like that. my friend and i were maybe a bit cryptic or over the top back then.

as for you--i hope you're getting all the emotional support you need and deserve. and i hope you continue to get it for as long as you need it and want it. talking helps. (at least for me. it's been really hard losing my mom and not only do i talk about her to my daughter and my good friends, but i still talk to her--my mom--every day and she's been gone in the physical sense for over two years. sometimes i hear her voice in my head--not like you hear someone else when they speak to you, but it's a thought that pops into my head with my mom's wording, or the type of response she would make. hard to explain. but i feel her around me so often.

even, at times, when i'm talking to someone my mom's voice pops into my head with a funny remark or a sarcastic remark--something that i'm not thinking during the conversation so it's totally out of the blue but it's definately her commenting. sometimes it's a cautionary remark. it depends on the conversation.

one day i had just parked my car at the store, and that afternoon i'd been saying: give me a sign, mom, and i got out of the car and said--quietly so no one would hear me talking to myself--i said aloud "mom." and i turned my head and the first thing my eyes made contact with was a license plate that began with the letters MOM.

now i certainly don't think she magically put that car there just to give me a sign. but, maybe she whispered for me to turn my head at that most perfect moment--and maybe, subconsciously, i heard her. there have been so many things like that--i write them down in a journal i keep with letters to her, but i should make a list. there's been countless times we smell her perfume--and even the scent of buttered popcorn which we haven't made since a month or two before she passed so it wouldn't be lingering in the house six months later!

anyway, i think those who pass on give us clues or signs in all different ways but sometimes we're too devestated to notice or too caught up in the day-to-day. i was recently re-reading a couple books--i forget which one said this--but it was a comment about how when someone passes on our relationship with them doesn't end, it just moves onto a different level that we have to adapt to. (it was either the book "love beyond life" or "we don't die."

i hope you take care. and take it easy--go slow.
a warm hug for you.

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Arrow 9 replies Author Time Post
astonamous Dec 2011 OP
livetohike Dec 2011 #1
femmocrat Dec 2011 #2
We are Devo Dec 2011 #3
truedelphi Dec 2011 #4
polly7 Dec 2011 #5
LineNew Reply sending you much sympathy
orleans Jan 2012 #6
DollyM Jan 2012 #7
astonamous Jan 2012 #8
rbnyc Jan 2012 #9
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